Will's talk about courage 10/31/21

 Hello. For those who don’t know me I am Jacob Farrell. I just moved back to the ward about 3 weeks ago and I was already nervous about sharing my talk right when I was asked to. That is because at the branch I only had to speak in front of about 10 people. But I am back and there are way more people as you could probably tell. Anyway I was asked to speak about courage and to lead things off I want to to tell you what the dictionary says the definition of courage is. The definition of courage is the ability to do something that frightens one self. I don’t think that is an accurate definition. I think courage means to stand up for the better good and to do good even in the face of danger.

 Knowing this I would like to share with you a story about Samuel the Lamanite who is a great example of this. About 6bc Christ told a Lamanite known only as Samuel to go preach the gospel unto the Nephites. I know what you are thinking. That’s weird but it actually isn’t. At this time the Nephites had hardened hearts because they were focused on riches and themselves. They were not focused on god. On the other hand the Lamanites were thriving and living the gospel. They were following the ten commandments and as my grandpa would say “They were being a latter day saint and not a latter day ain’t”.

That is why our savior told Samuel to go preach the gospel unto the Nephites. Samuel reacted to this instantly as Nephi did when he was asked to retrieve the plates. And so he began his journey to the city. I would personally never have the guts to do this and that says a lot because I LOVE TO DO THINGS. The journey he had to take was hard enough but when he got there the Nephites would not let him enter. At that point he gave up and started heading back but then the prince of peace told him to go back and preach. They still wouldn’t let him in so he had to improvise. At this point I would have just grabbed a ladder for this next part but he had other plans. He started to climb up the huge wall with his bare hands. Even in this time it is hard to climb up things especially if you have a huge fear of heights but now imagine climbing up this uneven, big, huge wall without any safety gear. This shows how determined he was to get this done. Once he got up the wall he started to preach repentance unto the wicked.

What a classic. Back to the story anyway. The Nephites did not like him telling them what to do so they reacted with the devil in their hearts. This huge, massive crowd started throwing rocks and shooting at him but none of them hit him. If I was up there I would dip before one of those rock or arrows could hit me. But he persisted full of courage as the God of Miracles protected him the whole way through. I can tell you first hand that courage is a good quality to have.

This past Sunday we were on our way home when I had to deal with the saddest memory of my life again. It was when my Great Grandpa died. We called him Papaw for short. Don’t judge us. We were listening to Sunday songs when the songs played at his funeral came on. I asked Aubree to skip these songs but she wanted a reason first. Hearing these songs I started to cry. My mom told her the reason and she then comforted me and said something along these lines, “I listen to these songs because they tell me that he is happy and that I can see him again. We were at my house when she told me this. It took a lot of courage to realize this truth but I was able to do it. The lord had comforted me from mental pain like he protected Samuel from physical pain. He wouldn’t let this pain touch us.

I would like to share one last example. The one that hurt the me the most-  Some of you such as my friends and some of my family may know that I at times I am uncertain of my worth and am really hard on myself. A couple weeks ago, I had a hard time and it was hard for my brother too as I talk to him about it.  Chris said a prayer that my feelings might change. His prayer was answered. As I was feeling down, Chris had the prompting to tell me something. He said and I quote, “Will, this is a whole new level of pain”. This touched my heart and softened it. I shared this because I wondered how much courage it took Chris to say this because how much I physically hurt him in the past. Chris, you are such a strong man who is physically, mentally, and spiritually strong and I want you to know this. I thank you for having that courage because it helps my life.  You are the best brother I could ask for. I can testify to you that the church is true and so is our Lord, the Savior. Courage is a quality I wish I had more of. I know we can be forgiven as God as forgiven me in the past. We can repent and change even if it is super hard. We are Latter Day Saints and not Latter Day Ain’ts. Amen.

Worthiness is not Flawlessness (10/24/21) talk

 

Worthiness is not Flawlessness (Brad Wilcox 10/2021)

Talk to Bartlett 2^nd 10/24/21 (back after 2.5 years of serving in the branch)

 

In the New Testament (Mark 5 and Luke 8) we read about a place of tombs. A man with no clothes tormented day and night. When Jesus saw him, He asked the man’s name. “Legion,” the man answered, suggesting he was possessed by many devils (Mark 5:9; Luke 8:30). But Jesus knew how to remove what held this man captive. There were pigs, a cliff, a lake, and then … a healed man, sitting at the feet of his Savior. Now clothed and in the right state of mind, one may wonder what the thoughts and feelings going through this man’s soul were. Was he now finally at peace? I think so.

 

When Christ boarded a ship to leave, the man pleaded to go with Him. Perhaps he felt safe being near the Lord and knew it was the only way to not fall back.  But the Savior had a different mission in mind for him. Jesus asked the man to return home and tell his friends about what had happened. And so the man went, testifying throughout the whole city “how great things Jesus had done unto him” (Luke 8:39).

 

Take a moment and try to imagine that man’s life before Christ, before experiencing His grace and power. The scriptures teach us that “Legion” -  “Always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones” (Mark 5:5). Then Christ and His grace appeared, at the very place where he was bound. And a life of chains—captivity and running from demons—was replaced with a testimony of the mercy and power of Jesus Christ.

Just like “Legion”, everyone has a story, a need, a lack, a place of inadequacy, an imperfection.  I know the details of mine, and you know the details of yours. And the Lord? He knows all of our stories, every dark place we have been, every sorrow we feel, every hope, every heartache, and every happily ever after.

Often there are times in my life when I allow myself to begin to feel discouraged when I have made a mistake or communicated something in a way that may have been received in a way unintended.  I being to “beat” myself up per say, remembering all the mistakes I have made, and question at times if I am becoming what the Lord needs to me to be or even worthy at times to fully participate in the gospel.

In Brother Wilcox’s recent talk “Worthiness is not Flawlessness”, he shares that: “Some mistakenly receive the message that they are not worthy to participate fully in the gospel because they are not completely free of bad habits. God’s message is that worthiness is not flawlessness. Worthiness is being honest and trying….never give up just because we slip up.” He precedes to tell the story of a young man that had struggled with pornography as he was growing up, this led the young man to questions his role in the church and if he should even attend, feeling very hypocritical.  The young man’s bishop gave wonderful counsel: “You’re not a hypocrite because you have a bad habit you are trying to break. You are a hypocrite if you hide it, lie about it, or try to convince yourself the Church has the problem for maintaining such high standards. Being honest about your actions and taking steps to move forward is not being a hypocrite. It is being a disciple.”  His leader quoted Elder Richard G. Scott, who taught: “The Lord sees weaknesses differently than He does rebellion. ... When the Lord speaks of weaknesses, it is always with mercy.”

The Lord is full of mercy and grace to elevate us. Brother Wilcox states: “God’s message is that He will help us as we repent” He wants to be our friend and wants help us through his grace.  “Grace is not just for the salvation of sinners but also for the bestowal of blessings. It is given through the atonement of Jesus Christ. He was willing to come down, come in, and help each of us become. His grace is the gift of transformation, an endowment of strength, divine assistance, an enabling power, the elevating of souls, and the healing of hearts. Grace is His favor, His kindness, the tenderness in which he extends His mercies. It is His touch in our hearts and how we reflect that in our life. Grace is always there but we notice it most in our brokenness and our weakness.” (Emily Belle Freeman)

 

I am learning each day to learn more on the grace of the Lord and his transforming power to help me overcome feelings that I am not what I need to be. The transforming power of grace happens in my everyday life, the moments when I feel undone or that I am not enough, when I have hurt someone, when I disagree with Jake or raise my voice at one of my kids…this is when I need to let His grace transform me into the best mom and wife I can become.  Grace allows me to progress into what I need to become. It is my hope that as you feel inadequacies that you too may feel his transforming power and realize that worthiness is not flawlessness.

 

“Perhaps He (the Lord) sees you trying to follow your dreams and live your best life, how you want to make a difference. He knows the desires of your heart and the imaginations of your thoughts and how you wonder if you have what it takes to succeed. His grace has the power to lift and enable you.

 

Maybe He sees you caving to the worry that presses in, how it wakes you, heart pounding, in the night. He knows the inner turmoil, the uneasiness, the tension that sometimes forces you to disengage, to seek solitude, to long for the peace that never comes. His grace has the power to calm and strengthen you.

 

He sees you waking at the break of the day to start the routine again, the feeding, the changing, the never living your own life because you are completely invested in theirs, your family or for some they people they are care takers for. He sees how the caregiving, the sacrifice, the serving requires you to burn the midnight oil (keep the light on long into the night).  Hands that are worn, eyes that are heavy, He sees this. His grace has the power to fill your reserves.

 

He sees you struggling through the addiction that chases you, that whispers to you in your idle moments, that won’t lose its hold on you. How you try to be strong, how you sometimes succumb. His grace has the power to intensify and reinforce your fight. To lift, to help you overcome in those small incremental steps.

 

He sees you battling memories that try to destroy you, that haunt your thoughts in the midnight hours, the traumas that won’t be forgotten. He knows they have a hold over you, over your happiness, how you feel like a hostage to the past. His grace has the power to shift your focus forward so you can leave that past behind.

 

He sees you aching from the loss, how you mourn the memories you’ll never make together, the life moments they will never see, the parts of the journey they will never know. His grace has the power to bring the healing balm of Gilead for the wounds that feel too deep.

 

He sees you trying to mend the rift, to understand the enlarging gap, sees you wondering how they can walk away so easily, how they don’t seem to care, how their choices are breaking your family, your heart, how this is breaking you. His grace has the power to enlarge your capacity for patience, for understanding, for love.

 

He sees you longing for what will complete you and fearing it will never come. How you yearn for love, for companionship, to find security. How you are still walking the journey alone. His grace has the power to encircle you with love, with confidence, with peace.

 

He sees you trying to overcome the hurt, to let go of the injustice, to rid your soul of that which embitters you. He sees how every day you try to forgive that which seems unforgiveable. How you want to trust, to love, to believe that you have worth. His grace has the power to help you release and let go of what has been broken in you so you can begin to live again.

 

He sees you embarking on a journey driven by faith, but with a hint of fear. How you are entering into something unexpected that has the potential for so much good in your life, but how it will require more sacrifice than you have ever given before. His grace has the power to empower you, increase your capacity, and illuminate your view.  He sees you.” (much of this was Emily Belle Freeman remarks)

 

Perhaps you have felt as the apostles of old embarking on the sea on a stormy night following your leader, finding yourself uneasy in the storm. Wondering why when you need Him most, he does not seem to b present but brought a pillow and blanket for the ride.  Somehow, the Savior managed to sleep through the pounding rain, the waves beating against the ship, the rocking of the boat, thundering and lightening. However if you recall, amidst all the noise, soundly sleeping, He somehow heard the whisper of His name and arose.

 

Jesus Christ sees you; He hears you. He can help you overcome and become.  He sees you even if you don’t see Him. He can fill your hungry soul. He can help you to discover joy. He will meet you in your emptiness, your wandering, your dark places, there in your aching, and He will bring grace even if you don’t know how it’s done. You don’t have to have a complete understanding for His grace to begin its work in you. The Lord will meet us in our ordinary places. Just look for Him where you already are.

Brother Wilcox reminds us of the role of our Father in Heaven and that is he is foremost a father: “He is—a loving Father who meets us in our need and knows how to “give good things to them that ask him.” His grace is not just a prize for the worthy. It is the “divine assistance” He gives that helps us become worthy. It is not just a reward for the righteous. It is the “endowment of strength” He gives that helps us become righteous. We are not just walking toward God and Christ. We are walking with Him.”  …..he continues to remind the adults that weekly the youth are reminded to cherish the gift of repentance. Too often I think that repentance is viewed as negative or shame but it is the most beautiful of the fundamentals of the gospel of the Christ as we repent daily and turn to the Savior. Do not ever stop trying, do not ever give up….we can do a little better each day and when we slip up, we can start anew. 

Elder Jeffrey R Holland has taught: “However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.”

 

I can stand before you today and testify that if you feel like you are too far gone, you are not. Reach out to your parents, leaders, and loved ones. Reach out to the bishop, if needed. I know this one super well and can likewise testify that despite is height and wife, he is a man of compassion, little to no guile, non-judgmental, inspired, Jesus loving, and patient. Jake does not remember people for their moments of weakness but their best moments.  He also understands that our mistakes can help is in positive ways too. You may not know this, but this is the man, who proposed to his wife on the side of the road, but it ended up being much better than the cow pasture planned or he may just have a different wife.

To those of you whom we do not know, let me introduce our family. Jake and I have been married 20 years and are the parents to 2 exceptional young ladies (a sophomore at East TN State University and a Bartlett High Senior) and 2 rambunctious, sweet boys (ages 11 and 13) . My husband and I both teach middle school together and I would not have it another way. I covet our car rides to and from work, so much so during the summer, I have him accompany me to show homes at times. We have spent the last 2.5 years serving with the Saints in the Central Gardens Branch.  Jake very much loved it because he is very introverted and was able to speak to each person in the congregation, all 20-40 of them, weekly and be out the door within a few minutes. Our family has a love for the members of the branch. Our family has felt the grace of the Savior many times in our lives, from finding lost earrings to not striking out in baseball. We know the Lord hears our prayers and shows up.

I stand before you today because I know the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. It makes us better, aligning our lives with gospel principles make us better. I know the Book of Mormon and the Holy Bible are the words of God.  I am better the days I pray, repent, and read my scriptures.  I am forever thankful for the Savior in my life and that He and my Heavenly Father made it possible through the restoration of the gospel for me to be an eternal family with Jake and our 4 children.  I love them and I love who they are helping me become. I love my Savior, our Savior, and the grace He provides.  I know that He sees me, and He sees you. 

Say what?!....Bishop Farrell

 

Today Jake and I attended the funeral for a co-worker. Listening to the preacher makes me so sad for people who do not understand the gospel. While I know he is doing his best to provide comfort to the loved ones (and he very well may be), my heart is full of gratitude that I know more. I just want to stand and correct him and run to our co-worker and profess that death and sin have already been overcome and their mother lives.

On a different note, Jake was called as bishop today for the Bartlett 2nd Ward. He is the man called by the Lord to serve in that capacity right now. We were fortunate that my parents were able to come up (although they and the boys were not told what was happening - you should have seen Will's face!) and Jake's dad and brother's were here because they leave on the boys trip to tour civil war sites in the morning.  President Scot Canfield offered him a beautiful blessing as he set him apart (although many parts I could not hear).  Some of the things I did here after all the rights of a bishop were bestowed him were as follows:  Heavenly Father appreciates you, loves you, and has a respect for you. You honor your priesthood and family. Heavenly Father loves your charity. Jake was blessed with personal revelation, the ability to peer into hearts and minds of others,  and offer blessings of Heavenly Father.  He gives you better understanding, blessings, and  blessed him to be an example for others. Jake was blessed with health, strength, comfort, and the things of the world not enter our home. 

October 5, 2021

Musical with Aubree

October 10. 2021

Father and Son matching bolos- gearing up for the boys trip

Tommie (Papa), Chris, Jake, and TW Farrell October 10, 2021

Ramblings....

 So sometimes I text myself things that can not be shared...here are some from the last month or so.

Aug 29, 2021

This afternoon we were called into to meet with President Scot Canfield, the stake president, at 4:30. Jake is being called to serve as bishop of the Bartlett 2nd ward. I know he is and will be wonderful. He is kind, compassionate, accepts people as they are, and has unwavering faith. Tonight as I have thought about what may lay in store the next 5 years, I feel I must be better. Jake came home and immediately discarded of something we had. As I walked it to the trash outside, I thought of his strength, example, and commitment. I want him to know he can count on me the next five years to look after our family on the days he’s away. I want him to know I support him 100% and I, too, will become more and better.

Truth be told, I have mixed feelings about leaving the Central Gardens branch, we have grown to love it. Serving in the branch has been a blessing for our family and we’ve grown. I do like the idea of the kids being around more youth and primary kids.

August 31, 2021

I have disappointed Jake. It hurts my heart. He needs to know he can trust me and count on me. It makes me sad.

September 1, 2021 (7:21 am)

Over the last few days I’ve been thinking of what I can best do to support and strengthen Jake. I am contemplating after he’s called asking previous Jen in their calling his their wives best supported them…what was something they really appreciated to make it a more meaningful 5 years and less concern at home.  I do know I will make it more of a priority to show kindness to all and try to speak with more people on Sunday’s.

September 1, 2021 (9:37 pm)

Today I spent time researching more fully the role of a bishop. One thing that stood out that the call is not surpassed by many things, namely marriage and fatherhood. I do know Jake will excel at spiritual guidance and be a compassionate person to speak with.

I also created a list of things I need to do to support him, from always having a clean, pressed, white shirt to not asking questions to sitting in a foyer while he may have to counsel with another woman to avoid the appearance of evil. I will do whatever I can to support him and help build our eternal family.

September 6, 2021 (3:50 pm)

I think the Devil is working hard on me right now, I am guessing maybe because my actions effect Jake and he is preparing to receive a greater mantle of blessings. Yesterday at church as I watched Jake bless the sacrament, bear his testimony, and then teach Sunday school, I thought I felt a small assurance that yes, he will be exceptional. I selfishly thought how I’m glad he will be our kids father at home and leader at church. They will be fortunate to hear a multiplicity of his counsel. I also felt it during family scripture and prayer again last night.

But here’s where I think I may being allowing myself to be pulled down…I beat myself up. During Sunday school yesterday I mentioned I disagreed (politely) and the gentleman said a teacher should never disagree with others in class but open discussion (he was visiting from Utah). He told my how great of a teacher my husband was but left me with the impression I needed to improve, which is probably accurate. Jake is exceptional at teaching and speaking. Then today, I have felt a little down. I took Will to swim with a friend and stopped by the temple on my way home. I probably sat there and poured my heart out to God for about 5 minutes. As I was pleading to know if I have been forgiven for something or needed to ask for forgiveness for something after my mission before marriage, suddenly my tears stopped and it’s almost like it left my mind. Initially, I thought maybe the Lord was telling me I had made restitution or it wasn’t needed but then began to wonder if I was convincing myself if that. You see if I need to confess, I do not want to burden Jake with it when he is bishop. Regardless, I felt the power of just sitting in the car in the parking lot outside the gate of the temple.

September 6, 2021 (7:30pm)

I told him and it was so very hard. I hope he doesn’t think less of me and still wants me. I really dislike myself. Please, please if you are reading this and need to square things whatever they may be. Do not wait 20 years…maybe it’s not something he needs to know because we weren’t married but I want to be transparent with him. My heart hurts that I told him, maybe the healing process can complete itself. I am not confident I haven’t told him in the past but do not think I have. There’s no prime opportunity to drop unpleasant news on anyone. I’m so sorry to him and my Savior. I have failed him and probably disappointed him two weeks in a row. I could not bear to look at him- I did not want to see the same disappointment I saw last week in his eyes. He’s my everything and I hope this doesn’t change that.

September 6, 2021 (10:53 pm- from Jake discovered the next day)

Renee… I love you for who you are.  I don’t look upon your past and think that you did bad things or that you were a bad person.  Your experiences shaped you into the best person for those around you.  You have tried to be a disciple of Christ, so He has been able to shape your experiences for your good and the good of those around you, whether the experience itself was good or bad.  Don’t carry any burden of shame any longer.  Instead carry with you this knowledge:

You are loved beyond measure.

You are greater than the sum of your mistakes.

You are an anchor to your family and husband.

You are delivered because of the greatness of your Deliverer. 

You are my personal hero, superstar, reminder of my Savior’s love, reason for trying, and love to be around person.

September 12, 2021

Thursday, Jake and I went to the temple. I felt okay about it. Today, I spoke with the branch president and told him of my past and to assume the worst, although I do bot think the worst happened. He told me I had been forgiven and needed not to confess again. I feel the most peace when I am with Jake and hear what he thinks the Savior would say “Go and sin no more”. I cannot think of a better person to counsel others and judge. I have no idea how I have been so blessed to have him in my life.

Today was most likely his last Sunday in the branch because he plans up hurricane clean up next weekend. The stake president said it will most likely not happen until 9/26.  We are asked frequently if we are back in Bartlett and I just say our records were moved by mistake. We are doing our very best not to give any indication of anything. I am ready for it to happen so I don’t feel like I am being dishonest with others and I can talk to my family and friends a about it.

September 26, 2021

Today is our last Sunday in the branch. As sacrament was being passed, while I know I should’ve thinking of the Savior, my heart was full watching Jake and Will pass. What a wonderful experience the branch has been for our family. Jake has been able to personally teach our son, 1:1, about his priesthood responsibilities and prepare the bread and water weekly with him. I’m not are that experience would’ve happened elsewhere. Each of our children discovered something about themselves here being often the youth or primary child. Talents were developed and ways to serve found. It has been a wonderful experience and we have grown to love the people in the Central Gardens branch of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

One downfall was that I was unable to sit with Jake today during sacrament. See, the rows are set up in 5 (due to limited space, the branch meets in an old strip mall building) and one of the inactive members sat by me as Jake and Will were on the front row waiting to pass. While I know there will be opportunities  such as stake conferences, I will miss being able to nestle onto his arm and rest my head upon his shoulders. I guess I can just stare at him or glance up often at him with eyes full of love. He is my rock.

Enough of the negative

 Enough of the negative about how hard the school year is for me, so let me show you a few things that make me happy and a few good things our family has done recently. 

September 11 was a day of service and the youth were encouraged to participate.  Adult leaders were needed to transport youth to fire stations across Shelby County to deliver meals, so Jake and I signed up.  We were fortunate to be able to be with our two children.  

Some of the youth (Aubree and Will on front row) with fireman

September 18-19, Jake and I were able to go to Slidell, MS and New Orleans, LA and help with hurricane clean up. On the way back home, we were able to complete 3 service tickets in Hattiesburg, MS.  I am not sure how much of help Will was at all times but he was able to see things to increase his gratitude and serve others.  I think his favorite was helping tarp roofs with his dad.  We are very glad that we were able to share this experience with him.

I have also been able to put up Halloween and just have giggles with my kids.  Despite the hard moments, there are definitely many more good ones that I am thankful for. Ginny has sent me a few pictures, which I am thankful for. There have been several times that Jake and Aubree have been able to play on the piano together and sing, it may be one of my favorite things.  I LOVE to hear him play and my children sing/play as well.  

Ginny- September 10, 2021

Ginny and Charity September 18, 2021

September 26, 2021 Visit with Sandra and my parents at Rebekah's place

Matching Pajamas for Aubree and I- we received them as gifts from 2 different people.

September 18, 2021 Ginny and Charlie

Last Sunday (9/26), the kids were asked to bear their testimonies in sacrament.  Aubree went forth and shared her love for the gospel, followed by Will who shared that he and his brother had fought a lot the day before but he had asked for forgiveness and knows we can be forgiven. Lastly was Christopher, short and sweet. He shared that he knew that Heavenly Father was aware of him then preceded to tell a quick story that I had not heard before.  He said when he played baseball, he missed the ball a lot but it was his turn to bat one time and they needed two runs to win the game.  He said he said a quick prayer asking Heavenly Father to hep him hit the ball. He had two strikes but on the next throw, he hit the ball and it went past first base and he made it to first base.  Christopher's short testimony reminded me that Heavenly Father is aware of us and takes time for us.  He took the time for a young boy (at least three years ago) who just wanted to not strike out.  I am grateful he remembers that and hope he holds to it forever as a testimony that he is seen.