Farrell sibling adult cruise

This past week (11/21-11/25), we had the opportunity to go with Jake's parents and all his siblings/spouses, except Megan, on a 4-night cruise.  The first couple of days I was a little dizzy most of the day but had an enjoyable time overall.  There were a few moments that I were not happy for me, one of which was on the top deck the last night and my mind turned to Robert (Charity's ex-husband) and the emotions he must have felt one evening on their cruise when the unthinkable happened.  It took effort to withhold tears.  There were 2-3 other small instances but those are probably most connected to my insecurities around Jake's family, which is crazy because we have been married over 20 years.  He wishes as I did not get stressed, as do I. There is one of the sister in laws that I feel we get along well with when it is just us but when other members of the family are around, my perception is she often tries to correct me or talk down to me.  I try to remain silent and take it to not cause a scene or cause more negative feelings about me.  There have not been many times when I do not feel part of the group by the brothers but I did once this time, however, I really feel it was unintentional and me most likely reading into things.  The last incident happened near the end of the trip which was also silly but my feelings get hurt when to little time or effort is made to spend time with us when we make a great deal of effort when we visit.  We took the late flight out to spend the day off the boat with everyone but everyone seemed to split up, which is fine, and to be less inconvenience with an airport trip, but in hindsight if I would have known, I would have booked an earlier flight. 

On a different note, one morning I was reading my scriptures in Ether where Orihah becomes king after his cousins and brothers had declined.  The thought occurred to me that maybe he stepped up because id he did not want whom the alternatives might have been.  He may not have wanted to be king but if he did not accept and step up, then it could have been an unbeliever.

On a different note, Ginny rocked taking care of the boys. My heart was happy to receive pictures from them when my phone received text messages off the boat. My kids and Jake are my everything. At one point when I was feeling glum yesterday, I contemplated if Jake would be happier and enjoy his family more with me not around (I think there would be more inclusiveness and he may even live closer to them) and that me be the case but my kids, my kids would not be in a better state. Truth be told, I do not want to imagine my life without Jake or my kids in it...even at times, it may be selfish. They make me better and motivate me to try to be my best self.

Foot ran over by car

 "These are your children", followed by "I'm not sure if I am the father" are text messages back to back I received from Jake Wednesday afternoon.  He was referencing their clumsiness.  Will was working the drive thru at Chick-Fil-A, nearing the end of his shift when a vehicle pulling off ran over his foot. He had texted me at 12:48 wanted me to order him food to which I responded maybe after school when you have your brother since I knew it was a longer day for me at work with interviews.  At 1:23, he called 3x in a row, which is not unusual when he wants something , as he is not the most patient. I texted that I could step out if an emergency, thinking it was most likely to ask about food again, but he responded "EMERGENCY" then immediately "A car ran over my foot and you need to check it", so of course, I stepped out to call him.  Fortunately his foot is not broken but bruised. I know it had to hurt and that made me sad for him. Within moments of getting a doctor to see him, Aubree calls, then texts, that she is locked out of her car and the spare key is locked in there too.  I felt it was quite the busy afternoon with our children and chuckled when I received those texts from Jake.  I am by far the clumsy one between the two of us.  That evening, he and I did a dating activity/lesson with the older (15+ age) youth at church.  Overall, it went better than I would have anticipated.  Jake is a phenomenal speaker. 

Yesterday, we received work that Aubree's transfer credit for microbiology did not transfer (her original score was a D, which is not like her at all) and that her scholarship has been cancelled due to low GPA and low credits.  A big part of me wants to get a one-way ticket and fly out there and bring her home.  I fear she is going to question why we did not push harder for her to come back home when not in school.  Things have not worked out as she might have hoped in Utah thus far and honestly, I am surprised by her trajectory.  She has always excelled in school and was devastated if she scored below an A or B (in some things) on anything. It seems she allowed social activities to be a high priority her first year at school, leading to her lowest grades and having to repeat two courses. I fear she is making choices that she will regret and will have long-term effects.  She has now not been enrolled in classes at Utah State since June and cannot apply to the nursing program there with her current academic situation.  While I always want my babies near me, I understand school and was okay with her in school out there, however, while she is not in school, I do not think the wisest decision is for her to stay out there....she is not progressing towards her goal nor is she saving money. 

Tennessee Football

Will is a big Tennessee Volunteers fan. We are not 100% where the love came from but he has it, resulting in us wanting to be able to take him to a game.  The Vols are doing well this year, so tickets have been expensive, however the program manager in Knoxville has 3 season tickets, she was going to be unable to use this past weekend, so I purchased them from her. Will was so excited and has had a blast. Owen and Riley had tickets too but on the other side of the stadium, so we hung out ahead of time. I hope Will knows we made that trip for him and enjoyed the time with him.  While we were at the game, Ginny and Christopher went to Dollywood with Charity and her other kids. The game ended about 11:00pm and we began the trek home, after getting Ginny and Chris. We got on the road about midnight EST and arrived home about 4:30am. I drove most the way so Jake could watch Utes vs BYU game and get a little rest before church meetings (having missed a couple Sundays, then stake conference, we felt it important for him to be at church).  It was a good but quick visit to Knoxville  

Welcome November

 It is crazy for me to think that it is already November and another year is drawing to an end.  October ended on a high note for me with seeing Aubree, mini trips, and Halloween night, both Ginny and Christopher having friends over.  My heart was also warmed when I receive a text from Will stating he had the best sister because Ginny did his face make up to dress up a little for work.  I loved that he felt loved. I am still not certain what he was but he was happy.  November has been off to a good start as well. A couple of the highlights thus far this month are this past Wednesday, I was just plain tired. I had not been able to accomplish all the things that I hoped to in the evenings because I felt like I ended up doing things in the evenings unplanned.  Wednesday night, Ginny and I ran a quick errand and when we got home, I said I was going to shower and then come to her room to visit. When I made it up, she had the mood set. Let me preface by saying her room is exactly how she wants it.  She has dim white lights along 2 walls, her comfy chair (with a back massager when needed), a TV on the dresser, a kindle holder, and a kindle page turner so she can stay under the covers and turn the pages to her book.  When I got to her room, she had both her back massagers on the bed for us to use, the lights dimmed, a show on, and a piece of chocolate.  I hope to always remember that memory.  Then Thursday night, I took Christopher to a play in Collierville for a school assignment. I was not looking forward to it because we we were leaving for Knoxville Friday and I wanted to get things ready for that but I am so glad that I had that time in the car drive to and from with just him. On the way home after the play, he was asking me my favorite memories growing up, of Jake, and each of my kids.  I loved reflecting and sharing with him. The thought crossed my mind that I should compile them together or at least a couple about each of my babies, as I am certain as they continue to experience life, more will be added. I will include below the things I shared with him about he and his siblings. 

A few of my favorite memories about my babies: 

Ginny- as a toddler that she always carried a baby doll in a doll car seat, about the age of 4 she wanted to wear matching panties & bras, and currently she enjoys spending time with me. She loved to watch Jurassic Park.

Aubree-  as a young child, she always wore a tiara to church, her dream for years was when she grew up she wanted to be a mermaid, always enjoyed seeing her in plays, and I love hearing her play the piano and sing. 

Will- as a young boy he loved to ride his 3 wheel hot rod, he would pee anywhere (meaning he would open the van door and pee out the door or just drop his pants anywhere outside and pee), and he was a hider. 

Christopher- he is a mamma's boy and used to ask me out on dates from a young child (once he got dressed in his best Sunday clothes, got a bar of chocolate, and kneeled in my room asking me to dinner) and he would fall asleep anywhere whenever he was tired (I would get so worried because I did not hear him or could not find him and he would be asleep in the most random places).  

My life is filled with moments I cherish with the people I love most.  I love road trips together (even all of them harassing me in the car and making front of me), visiting national parks, Sunday family movie nights, holiday traditions (including decorating for my kids...I still do it for them), family dinners around the table (one of the best things that I believe we implemented), and watching them grow, excel, and be unique in their own ways.