Happy 50th Anniversary

Jake's parents (Lynn and Tommie Farrell) celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary on 1/4.  The family celebrated it with them on 1/3.  As I sat, listened,  and watched everyone my mind reflected on the qualities that it must to reach that milestone.  My heart was full of love towards Jake as I watched him dance with the girls and just enjoy his siblings.  He loves to be around his family and play games with them.  Before the celebration, we took a moment just with his parents for Jake and Aubree to do the song "You Say"  for them. Before they began, he shared the hope they had installed in him and that he believes what they had taught them. He also wrote a letter to them and shared that the contents of the letter also further shed light on it.

"Dearest Mom and Dad,

         Words cannot sufficiently express how much your influence has been a source of good and strength in my life.  Perhaps my life can one day stand as a greater testament of your love.  However, you should know at this time just a few of the lessons that still guide my life and how your love has helped me in my most difficult times.

         Mom, you used to tell me every morning going to school to remember who I am.  I thought at the time that you were simply trying to get me to be a good kid and to make good choices and am still convinced that is part of the reason.  What you may not know is that those are some of the most powerful words that guide my life and that I have found perhaps the deeper meaning that you would hope would come to me one day.  I am more than a good kid.  I am a child to our God and the brother of our Savior.  Their infinite love is with me even during my lowest moments and through all the sins.  That is the love I feel from you.  Unconditional, unrelenting, and unbreakable. 

         Dad, I did not appreciate your love until I was a teenager and did not know the depth of your compassion.  You may not recall when Carlos came to you one day crying about his father.  You spoke to him in your office and comforted him.  I hurt so bad for him, but when you offered healing words to him you also mended my soul.  There was also the time that you interceded with mom at a time that she was particularly upset with me, so you took her on a drive.  Not only was that wonderful (you may have saved my life), but you never questioned me about my decision and never reprimanded me for causing her such distress.  These are not the only examples, but I hope they convey some meaning.  Your compassion was unconditional, unrelenting, and unbreakable.

         Now I have had the challenge of living up to your examples.  I am fortunate to have found Renee to remind me of those lessons in that she possesses them in great abundance. I was absolutely crazy to marry her six weeks after my mission, and my own children will meet their maker if they attempt any such action.  Yet now, I believe God interceded as an act of mercy and grace despite the craziness of such actions.  There are choices I have made in my life that would probably break your heart and that I would not share with you at the time I made them.  I will share them with you as I build the courage to do so, because I want you to know just how much your influence has helped me hope for and believe that I could have a mighty change of heart.  That I, a sinner and rebel to God, could still feel the love of a Savior and could become a better man, one worthy of the love and example you always provided.  Renee endured the heartache that surely would have been yours had I not married her so quickly.  I commit to sharing those things with you, hopefully without breaking your heart, so you can see how wonderful you are and how powerful your love is.

         In closing, I want you to know that I believe.  I believe the words mom spoke to me as a young man.  I believe in compassion.  I believe in love.  Despite all that I have done to offend and hurt, to reject and cast off, and despite my own questions as to whether I could ever be redeemed… I believe I am loved.  You are the hope, grace, and mercy I do not deserve.  May I repay you in the good I will do for others."

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Jake and I with our eldest, Ginny

1/2 Siblings- Becky Huzzey, Lynn Farrell, Jeff West, and Cindy

Just a little bit of dancing fun

Ginny, Papa, and Grammy

Aubree with Papa and Grammy

Callie and Aubree- cousins

Today at church, Jake and I taught Sunday School together.  I enjoyed it. It is no secret that he makes me better and spreads strength wherever he goes.  His testimony strengthens mine and he is my rock.  This year as I read the Book of Mormon I am hoping to fall in love with it again and help my children hopefully do the same.  Now that Ginny is preparing to leave home, I look back and wish that I would have taught my children more from the Book of Mormon and read more often with them.  My wish for all of them is that they have enough...I wish them enough....enough good times to make it through the hard times, enough hard times to appreciate the good times, enough joy to surpass the pain, enough faith to not ever give up, enough hellos to help with good-byes, etc. 

Megan and Blake Davis Family

Jenny and Brian Langford Family

Tommie and Karen Farrell family

Lynn and Tommie Farrell with grandbabies

Farrell family crew

Chris and Crystal Farrell family

David and Sarah Fullmer family

Jake and his siblings

Here's to a new decade!

As I have reflected over our life the past decade and compared it to where our lives may be in another decade (Christopher on a mission, and the possibility of our oldest three with families of their own), I am humbled and full of gratitude.  On the drive to Texas, I had time to think about resolutions or just about life in general as I drove. Although I notice my many short-comings, I notice that I have grown as well and improved in some areas of my life.  I went from not having a college degree to obtaining a bachelors and a masters and recently have a newfound love for the scriptures (which I am hoping will strengthen my marriage).  Jake and I were talking the other night (12/31/2019 (so technically early morning  hours of 1/1/20)) in bed about an incident that happened that day and general occurrences and he mentioned that some days he fears my "negative crazy" drives a wedge between us because he gets upset.  I explained that sometimes there are things that I feel I cannot talk to him about in fear that it may upset him and he said likewise.  We resolved that we must be more open with one another.  One thing I reflected on as I was driving that I needed to work to overcome my pity parties that I have in my head and I am hoping the scriptures help.  There are times that I think things such as: "I want to have someone crazy over me", "I will never have that life", "I must be a terrible person because my husband, whom I encouraged many years ago to think about going into administration is now considering it...he doesn't even like being around me (referring to work)", or "just wanting be loved and accepted by my in-laws and not feeling that I am toxic and the root of ill feelings in families". But you see, I am fully aware that is the devil that encourages those thoughts. There are some things that I cannot change, like how others feel about me or if our family is included, but there are others that I can change as I come to know and rely on my Savior more and that is my plan. 

Boys sleeping on the way to Texas 12/30/2019

Happy 12th Birthday Will

Will, oh Will...how I love you and worry that you do are not as aware of your self-worth and potential. You are wonderful and bring joy beyond measure into our lives....you are quirky, witty, and funny.  You are incredibly intelligent and have the most tender heart.  You look out for others. We love you.

According to you, Will:

You currently want to be when you grow up: a teacher

Your favorite color is: turquoise and orange

Your favorite show is: Star Wars (Clone Wars)

Your favorite game is: Deception (board) and Ticket to Ride

Your favorite toy or activity is: video games

Your favorite boy is: me

You are really good at: baseball

Your best friend is: Walker Orris

You want to vacation to: Disney Cruise

Your favorite ice cream is: cotton candy

Your wish is to be: known, world wide for a good thing

Your hero is: mom 

Your favorite thing to do with your friends is: play games together

Your favorite holiday is: Christmas

Your favorite person in the whole world is: multiple family but if I had to say one person, Chris

Your favorite song(s) is:"Pompei"

Your favorite restaurant is: Olive Garden (restaurant) and Taco Bell (fast food)

Your favorite foods are: Taco Bell bean burrito and alfredo

If you had $1000 you would buy: pay tithing, then half to Charity, and a phone

 On a different note, we left for Texas on Monday December 30, 2010 to come celebrate Grammy and Papa's 50th wedding anniversary.  We spent New Year's Eve with dad's side of the family at the hotel. 

Christmas 2019

Christmas week was overall nice for our family. Christmas Eve day, we delivered 18 plates of cookies to people. The kids delivered about 6 in Bartlett and then the girls and ventured to the branch members to spread some Christmas cheer.  That evening, Jake and I did our annual tradition of booby trapping the house for the kids to get through that morning without waking us to open gifts.  The kids all sleep in the media room and and have to make their way down...I think they quite enjoy it.  The 26th, we went to Jackson to give my dad part of his gift, which was 4 hours of service (he was also getting a recording but that was not scheduled until 12/27).  The next day, we went to Americana Recording studio and recorded two songs for our parents.  The first was "I heard the bells on Christmas Day" by Casting Crows, where Ginny and Jake both played the piano and the other kids did the vocals and then "You Say" by Lauren Diagle, where Jake played and Aubree sang. Aubree's voice seemed a little off that day, maybe nerves or maybe using the microphone but both songs will always be beautiful to me because it is my babies.  Jake also threw his back out, which was fun times for me trying to take down Christmas decor, especially the lights on the house before rain hit and stayed before leaving for Texas.  I took down all the exterior on Friday night (12/27) and then Saturday, Aubree and I did the outside...going up the ladder was so scary and even when it was Aubree that climbed up, I was nervous and scared.

Christmas Sunday

Our little branch (Central Garden Branch) had a cute little program today but the highlight for me was hearing my family's musical number.  The family performed "I heard the bells on Christmas Day" by Counting Crows.  Jake and Ginny played a duet on the piano accompanying Aubree and the boys and they sang. My heart swelled with pride watching them.  Unfortunately, they did not allow me to participate, so I introduced the song and sat in the audience and took it in.  Afterwards, one lady approached me and said she had to look away because she almost "ugly cried", she felt the spirit so strong. As we were leaving, one of the missionaries (the senior elder) stopped me as we were walking to the car and said there were not many renditions of songs he had not heard and that he is not one to get choked up but he became choked up listening to my crew.  I am so blessed to have my family.  My heart was also warmed as Jake would look up from his piano and grin looking at his kids.  He was proud as well.  The song renders a message that is one we often forget, that Christ really is the author of peace and can bring it into our lives.

This morning I ran across some quotes or tid bits that some of the prophets and apostles have said about Christmas. Today on Elder Jeffrey R Holland's social media, he stated: "
I wonder what emotions Joseph might have had as he cleared away the dung and debris. I wonder if he felt the sting of tears as he hurriedly tried to find the cleanest straw and hold the animals back.
I’ve thought of Mary, too, this most favored mortal woman in the history of the world. It is here I stumble, here that I grasp for the feelings a mother has when she knows she has conceived a living soul, feels life quicken and grow within her womb, and carries a child to delivery. At such times fathers stand aside and watch, but mothers feel and never forget.
With only Joseph’s inexperienced assistance, she herself brought forth her firstborn son, wrapped him in the little clothes she had knowingly brought on her journey, and perhaps laid him on a pillow of hay. Then on both sides of the veil a heavenly host broke into song. “Glory to God in the highest,” they sang, “and on earth, peace among men of good will.” But except for heavenly witnesses, these three were alone: Joseph, Mary, the baby to be named Jesus."  As I read it, I pondered how Mary really must have felt and am reminded hat I need to hold some things sacred and close ti my heart.  From a child unto adulthood,

 I have always loved Santa and what he represents. I ran across this today from David O McCay and i love it just as much: "It is a glorious thing to have old St. Nicholas in our hearts and in our homes today, whether he enters the latter through the open door or creeps down the chimney on Christmas Eve. To bring happiness to others without seeking personal honor or praise by publishing it is a most commendable virtue. . . .
Good old St. Nicholas has long since gone the way of all mortals, but the joy he experienced in doing kindly deeds is now shared by millions who are learning that true happiness comes only by making others happy—the practical application of the Savior’s doctrine of losing one’s life to gain it. In short, the Christmas spirit is the Christ spirit, that makes our hearts glow in brotherly love and friendship and prompts us to kind deeds of service.".

Text and Elijah's baptism

 Last Sunday (12/15) after church, I received the following text....

Friday was the last day of school before winter break. Jake took Will and a few of his friends to a movie to celebrate his birthday early because so many people are gone around the holidays.  Christopher had a play date with his friend, Jonah Donald, and then Jake and I met at Aubree's voice concert. Yesterday (12/21) we drove up to Paris TN to be apart of Elijah's (Sandra and Brent's oldest) baptism.  It was a sweet service and the kids sang with their cousins, it was a beautiful song ("I will be what I believe"). 

Tender little feelings...

Today was a beautiful day for me. Aubree received her young women’s recognition today and other small reminders of the goodness of God. Sacrament was wonderful and I enjoyed the talks.  I was able to be able to teach Sunday school today and had asked that Aubree and Jake do a song for us...”You say” by Lauren Daigle, which brought the spirit in indescribably. I had shared in my lesson that if we love as Christ, we are blessed with confidence and what a difference there would be if everyone in the world had that confidence to know where they came from that God has a plan for each of us. The song that Aubree sang, accompanied by her dad reminds me of that and has become one of my favorite songs (partly because they do and the other part the lyrics). There are so many times that I and others may question our worth and forget all that we are. Then tonight, the kids and I attended a missionary tribute to Christ. As I listened to the music and looked at my kids, I was humbled. Humbled that I have been given the life I have, humbled that I have been blessed with these AMAZING children, and humbled to feel His love. As I looked into the faces of some of the senior sister missionaries, I wondered the life they have lived and hardships endured. What had life dealt them? What will my story be? What will others see when they look into my face? I want you help others, to life others, and spare no expense to help others that need to feel loved. 

On a different note, Christopher won his class spelling bee and was able to participate in the school spelling bee.  He was very sad when he got out the first round but several other contestants did too.  I was very proud of him. Despite his speech, he goes and does.  He is very courageous.  Others are noticing his improvements in speech too.  Last weekend, I also let the girls drive to Paris, TN to see Sandra by themselves. They stopped by my parents briefly on their way there.  It is the first time that I have allowed that length of a venture without us with Ginny driving but I figure at some point that I have to start since she she leaves for schools soon.  Knowing this may be our last December to have all four kids home the entire month of December, our little elf, Zang, has done some each day. Things such as leaving: advent calendars, kindness advent calendars, ring pops, punch balloons, pajamas, Christmas shirts, Christmas socks, chocolates, Christmas glasses, Santa hats, etc.  It has been fun!