Last ward conference talk- Jake

 My brother and I decided to go on one last adventure before he left for the Air Force Academy.  We decided to hike the highest point in Texas, Guadlupe Peak… in the middle of the night.  The plan was to hike it at dark and watch the beautiful Texas sunrise.  We planned on an 8-hour hike in the dark.  We prepared our packs with the essential snacks, lights, and batteries for our adventure.  Within about 15 minutes on the trail, both of our lights went out.  No problem, we had plenty of backup batteries.  However, upon replacing the batteries, the lights still did not come on.  We had a decision to make.  As teenagers, though, was there really a choice.  We let our eyes adjust to the darkness and continued our journey.  It was dark.

More recently my oldest daughter convinced me to run a death by 5k event, where I believe the stated goal is to kill you by having you run 10 5k’s (31 miles) in 24 hours.  Ginny bought matching headlamps that were motion activated that made for some really cool dance scenes before the race.  My daughter’s headlamp went out I believe at the first 5k in the dark.  However, someone had gifted her another, not as cool, headlamp.  My headlamp went out on the 8^th 5k within the first 200 yards of the run.  It would have been so easy to simply turn around.  However, my daughter who convinced me of this craziness was beside me on this particular run.  We had a decision to make.  And she still had a working headlamp.  So we pressed on.

Perhaps my darkest night was back in April though.  After a series of bad events, I kicked my son out of the house.  As dark as it was for me (and mom), I know it was darker for Jake.  What hurt even more is that Jake felt like he had no one that night he could call.  I got so mad.  I was mad at God for letting me fail as a dad.  I got mad at you, my ward family, for not being there for my son.  We have talked about so many people in ward council and bishopric meetings, including other youth, and my son was alone.  I was already mad at Jake.  Was there no way forward?

Then I came to learn how good God really is… again.  How someone who felt unworthy of His love nonetheless his guidance would be granted light in the darkest hour.  See Jake’s mind could not think of anyone to call that night because he needed his imperfect dad, and his imperfect dad needed his son.  Jake and I took a drive in the truck.  We spoke, sometimes with raised voices, about everything happening.  I could see the pain and fear in his eyes and soul.  And at the moment that I was most irrational, my heart suddenly broke.  And I just wanted to hold my son and let him know it would be okay.  My pride probably prevented me from helping Jake fully feel the tender mercy God had just given me.  I deserved no such mercy, no such intervention, no compassion or love at that moment when I had been the one making the wrong choices and ignoring God’s previous guidance.  

Fast forward to today. I would say that my relationship with Jake is much stronger than it was in those dark days.  He did spend a few nights in my shed when I kicked him out, which is more of a man cave.  Our other son actually asked to join him.  I don’t know how effective kicking him out was. Our relationship didn’t improve in one night but steadily, and I credit Jake more than myself for the healing that has taken place… and God most of all.  Jake just submitted his mission papers, and I am really excited to be able to interview him today.  

 If I can circle back to my previous two stories quickly.  My brother and I made it to the top of Gaudalupe Peak in record time.  We got to the top a full 3 hours before sunrise, and man was it cold.  We only had one sleeping bag with us because we had not anticipated our pace up the mountain.  Fortunately, my brother made sure I stayed warm, either out of love or fear of my guardian angel, mom… maybe both.  Can I tell you despite the darkness of our journey, the stars were beautiful at night.  They were like a thousand little prayers said on our behalf to the summit of our hike.  And the sun did rise.  On that 8^th 5k, my daughter held her light between us, lighting my way, and allowing for us to finish the race and enjoy a little time together.  And the sun did rise.  And I did finish the death by 5k alive and in record time for anyone aged 47 years, 1 month, and 3 days old at that particular race.  

I know many of you are going through dark days.  Many of you are going through challenging health conditions personally or of a loved one.  Many have lost loved ones even just recently.  My heart goes out to you.  I hurt for you.  Know that you have an inspired ward council who is praying for you by name.  Like stars in the night, we hope you can feel those prayers and receive the guidance and comfort you need.  May you have a friend that will walk beside and share their light on your path.  Please know that the sun will rise, because His Son has risen with healing in his hands. Psalm 23:4 states, “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”  My faith has been strengthened not in spite of my dark days, whether self-inflicted or not, but because of my dark days.  I promise you that God is with you, that the sun will rise upon your dark days.  Keep pressing forward, in the light of others, if necessary, until your light is renewed.