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We are back from our travels this summer. We left Texas a little later than anticipated to head with Chris and Crystal for Colorado but it was fine. We took the kids Capulin Volcano in New Mexico and the Great Sand Dunes in Colorado. We usually enjoy visiting with Chris's family and the kids very much enjoy their cousins. It was nice to get back home and settled back into our little lives. 

With that said, I do not feel like I've been myself and can't exactly pin point why. I still feel very torn about asking my family not to come over as often but want Jake to know he's my everything (I think in his mind they are over more than they really are or he counts dropping something off for five minutes as a visit). I love them and do not want to hurt their feelings. Yet at other times, I feel like I'm not really good for anyone including Jake, the kids, and my family. I find myself getting frustrated and reading into things, convincing myself that Jake doesn't put me first or value what I think. I'm sure I'm just a little nutty but I must pull myself together. Like anyone, I just want to feel like I'm someone's number one and that am always thought of. I fear that I am not helping Charity through her divorce but possibly making it more difficult on her. 

Quick trip to Texas

We left Friday morning to head to Texas for a quick trip to visit Jake's family. It also happened to be the weekend that Brian Thomas was going through for his endowment and his mission farewell was today (Sunday).  We were able to go to the temple Saturday with the family in Lubbock Texas.  I was very glad that Jake went but also a little bothered that I could not get Jake to go with me last week at home.  He did sit with me in the car on the ride back to Odessa and allow me to rest on him because I had a slight headache. As I sat at church today (Jake did not come because he had a headache (I think because he sat up too late playing games with two of his siblings, which both had headaches today too and did not go to church)), I listened, watched, and longed to have a better, closer relationship with family members.  My mind reflected on my siblings and my relationship with them too and during the closing song "God be with you till we meet again", my mind thought of my Mamaw and Papaw and how I will be so excited to see them again.  I feel fortunate to have that hope.  Family is one of the most important things in my life and having our children have relationships with both sides is a top priority.  Our trips to Texas usually enable the kids to see all of Jake's side of the family at once but that can also be difficult.  It seems that every time we are here, our kids feel left out with the other kids (and they are here every single day and night, this is not an exaggeration), making it more difficult. I am sure that part of it is because they do not know them as well but it hurts my heart to see my littles have hurt feelings or want to feel included. What I would give for people to come visit us or for our kids to get to know them individually! We are both blessed to have great families that have different strengths. Our families mold us into whom we are and whom we are becoming. 

Happy Independence Day!

Happy Birthday America!  How fortunate are we to live in this great land. The 4th of July is usually one of my favorite holidays but I have not enjoyed it so much this year.  When I think of the 4th of July, I think of being with family and firework celebrations but I have done neither today.  Charity is still recovering, Becky worked on getting things ready for her school year, and Jake needs his space sometimes and does not always enjoy being around everyone often.   Last Wednesday night, I took Charity to the emergency room and she got diagnosed with appendicitis and had surgery the next morning.  She had a birthday party planned for Izzy on Saturday, so Sandra, Becky, and myself made that happen. It worked well because I am very simple, Sandra does over the top parties, and Charity is somewhere in the middle so that is what the party was.  Sandra left for California Saturday afternoon. I was glad that Ginny arrived home safely from EFY Sunday.  I am grateful she gets the experience but I miss her the week she is gone.  Honestly, the last few days I have felt somewhat distance from others.  I want to do all I can for Charity right now but do not want to exhaust Jake either.  I enjoy being around family often and am good with people stopping by with no reason but he is a loner. It is something that we have adjusted with in our marriage. I am definitely not as social as I once was and am okay with that, it is a lifestyle that I have come to enjoy. However, I do not consider family as being social and will do all I can to help ease the load and carry any burden that I can for them. Mom has been here helping Charity and her and dad are almost here daily while she is going through the divorce.  My parents are very selfless when it comes to helping others, especially their children.  Here are a few of my random thoughts for the day.
1. Service to others is the greatest thing we can do.
2. Stop the negative "noise" and condescending self-talk and focus on what is in your control and what you can do for others
3. Be in a place of gratitude - it will bring you more things to be grateful for
4. You have value - always! Find how you can be of value to others when you feel lost - step out of your comfort zone (that's not where brilliant life change happens) and be a light to the world.
5. If you feel an instinct to serve, if you see a need, if you have an inkling of an idea that scares you - get after it and make it happen! Do BIG things - especially for others.
6. Isn't that what our forefathers did for us by helping secure our independence- it was a service to each of us. Let us not forget

Trek survival

We (Ginny and I) survived trek a couple weeks ago. I can honestly say that it was miserably enjoyable.  I do not enjoy being hot and I do not enjoy bugs and both were present.  Monday- Wednesday before trek, we had Sandra's three kids so I  felt like I did not get rest in between girls camp and trek but that is fine. Thursday and Friday evening, I was very nauseous, probably from being so hot.  Since I was a stake leader and the person over food, I stayed at base camp Thursday night and did not sleep well. I was awoken by my own smell from sweating. There were no showers or way to bathe.  Friday was very hot too and I do not think my hair was dry for two days straight (once again from sweating). We were fortunate enough Thursday during registration to get a little rain and it did cool things down some. On Friday, everywhere around us was getting severe storms and we did not get any but a little rain at one point. It was neat to look at the radar and see all the red around us on the radar but where our little "X" was for location, it was clear. Could it have been a tender mercy from above?  Friday evening after dinner, I decided that I wanted to head home to shower and sleep in my bed. Most if the stake and support staff was going home at night, except for the medical couple and one other person, so I decided to too and I felt so nauseous.  It was worth leaving my house by 5:00 am to get back to get breakfast served for a shower and air conditioning...I am glad that I live in the era that I live in, I need modern advances. I did enjoy being with the youth and decided that I want to teach my babes to actively seek for opportunities to feel the spirit.  With all the that goes in the world, why not seek out the good and uplifting things. It was also neat to watch Ginny so upbeat and smiling while she persevered. 

Ugh- trek

So tomorrow, Ginny and I venture off for trek. I am not thrilled at the idea of not showering at having the modern conveniences that are offered in my home.  I am over-seeing all the food and and am having to be creative in preparing in. We have asked parents to provide a letter for their child to read Friday evening but in the event that some youth do not have letters, I have typed up my testimony to share. I thought I would also put it here, so my children can look back on it or if something happens to me, they have it.

There are not many things in this life that I am certain of but I am certain of some of the eternal truths found in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. From the center of my heart to the ends of my fingers, I know that God lives and knows us individually. Our Heavenly Father is aware of our needs.  I know that the gospel has been restored and that the men who are leading the church are inspired and directed by him who appointed them. I know that we have a living prophet today. The Book of Mormon and the Bible are both the word of God and can help us come to know our Savior better. I know that Jesus Christ lived, suffered, and died for each of us and if we were the only person it effected, that he would do it again…he loves us that much. Jesus is not some imaginary figure, he LIVES.

There are times when life is just plain hard or we face trials we may not be ready to endure but I know that we are not alone in them. As we are in the midst of a hard time, it is not easy to see the good and it may not be evident for some time but I know that we can receive strength from above and through others.  Often our prayers are answered through other people. The way for us to come to know the will of the Lord or gain a testimony of something is to just do it. Elder Richard G Scott once said: “I am not suggesting that all of life’s struggles will disappear as you do these things. We came to mortal life precisely to grow from trials and testing. Challenges help us become more like our Father in Heaven, and the Atonement of Jesus Christ makes it possible to endure those challenges. I testify that as we actively come unto him, we can endure every temptation, every heartache, every challenge we face.”, I believe that and know we can overcome. Do not want too long to come to know the Lord, you have so much to live for and so much good.  Serve one another and be kind.  It has been said, “come what may and love it”, this is your time. Embrace it and come to know Heavenly Father more.  He hears you and loves you.

Take this opportunity as you are away from modern day luxuries to count your blessings and contemplate on all that God has done for you and will continue to do. There is so much to live for and look forward to in your life, live for those blessings and expect them. Let the Sprit be your companion and guide.  Do not ever doubt God’s love for you. He needs you to help in his great work—go forward with faith and never be afraid to ask.

Happy Birthday Christopher!

Christopher oh Christopher, Happy Birthday to our sweet, sweet boy. Yesterday as I arrived home from camp the minute Christopher noticed I was home came and embraced me for over a minute. He was very excited to see me and I was glad to see my boys too.  Christopher has a reputation at school among the teachers as such a gentleman.  He consistently holds the door open for ladies and pulls out their chairs when he can. He is definitely his own little guy; I have been trying to conveince him for years now to learn to ride a bike, but he has absolutely no desire and refuses too. He is a little comedian for the camera and is just plain silly. Christoper is a joy to our family. We could not be more proud to have him in our family and call him our son.  Continue to make wise choices and gain a testimony of the truths found in the gospel. Know that you are a son of God and have a heavenly family that loves you. Know that mom and dad want the best for you, although at times we will upset you, we always have your best interest at heart.  We love you Chris Chris!
According to you:
You currently want to be a dad when you grow up.
Your favorite colors are all of them.
 Your favorite show is Paw Patrol.
Your favorite game is Star Wars.
Your favorite toy is video games and hatchimal.
Your favorite girl is mom. (I hope it stays this way until you marry)
You are really good at running.
Your best friend is Riley.
You want to vacation to a Disney Cruise.
Your favorite ice cream is Superman (Galactic swirl).
Your wish is to be Luke Skywalker.
Your hero is my family.
Your favorite thing to do with your friends is to play and play video games with them.
Your favorite holiday is summer.
Your favorite person in the whole world is everyone that I know.
Your favorite TV show is Star Wars.
Your favorite song is "Who let the Dogs out".
Your favorite restaurant is Chick-Fil-A and Mexican.
Your favorite foods are:  Ravioli, Croutons, Catfish (dads), tuna fish, rice with chicken and cheese.
 If you had $1000 you would buy everything (video games, pepperoni pizza, and bar-be-que.

Girls Camp

Day one:

This week I am privileged to be able to attend girls camp with my girls.  Now, camping is not something I enjoy because it is hot, there are mosquitoes, and restrooms are not a room away but I plan to survive.  With that said, it has only been day one…and I get to sleep on the porch. Sleeping should not be too much of an issue because I can sleep almost anywhere it is the heat and bugs that are the issue.  Since I am a stake leader, I have very little assigned to me so I wander between activities trying to interact with the girls and keep myself busy or I visit with my mom on her free time.  It is my hope to build relationships with the girls but especially my girls.

Day two:

Keeping cool last night was not a problem, I was actually cold.  We had a little rain shower move through yesterday making things cool off and calling for a high today of only 78.  In my lack of preparation, I only brought a sheet to cover up with and that was a mistake because it was 50 degrees last night and I was on a screened in porch, so I woke up several times trying to find a way to keep myself warm.  I was telling the girls that back in the day when I attended girls camp, we slept in tents on sleeping bags and not air-conditioned cabins with beds. The girls had their first little bit of drama and I had to use my stern voice which makes me feel bad because I want it to be enjoyable for them.  Today as I sat and thought, I was taken back by how much I care about each of them, even in other wards. I really want what is best for them.