April Shenanigans

It appears that I am failing at my goal to post multiple times a month.  Aubree had her school play where she played an elephant and lead monkey in the jungle book.  She as very confident and expressive.  She did a wonderful job.  Charity, Sandra, and my parents came up to support her and each brought flowers so she had too many of them.  That same day, we heard the news that one of my students committed suicide. It is the first time that I have lost a student and my heart ached for his family and the other students at school.  It is so hard to understand why anyone would do such a thing or what battles they may be facing. He was a well liked young man and seemed happy most of the time. I was reminded that we are never aware of the inner battles that people may face or questions they may have (those close to the family say he wanted to know what heaven was like and if God was really there).  Tonight was one of the rare occasions where I ran a bath, relaxed,  and pondered having a moment to myself.  I found myself singing a few hymns, one of which states "I believe in Christ so come what may" and it caused my to stop and reflect on that.  I do believe in Christ and amongst my struggles and personal weaknesses, I am going to be okay.  The past few weeks, I have felt sorry for myself and times and felt as if I had no one to talk to but I can always turn to my Heavenly Father, although at times it is not my first choice (it should be though) because I have not prayed as consistently as I should.  I have thought about specifically the last few days and today when they home teachers came over, one spoke of praying in good times and in hard times and to really talk to God.  You see, sometimes I find myself so focused on trying to help others get help that I neglect myself.  Jake has been trying to overcome some personal struggles and I am deeply grateful he is doing such and reaching out to others but at the same time, I almost want someone to reach out to me and see how I am doing with it too.  Although my struggles are different, a spouses struggles effect one another too, including my struggles effecting him.  Maybe it partially my fault or maybe if I was more diligent in earnest prayer and scripture study I could be a force of good.  There are times where I feel very inadequate and even times when I feel that someone else would be better for him at helping to overcome things and allowing him to reach his full potential. Do I hold him back?  Then moments later, I feel it must be me allowing Satan to creep in and encourage these feelings of low self worth or disappointment.  Am I doing my family an injustice by not being better?  Am I truly teaching my kids, my beloved babies, what they need to know by word and deed? Am I bringing them closer to their Father in Heaven and elder brother? Am I really teaching them the atonement applies to much more than repentance from sin?  I feel weak but at other times bolstered up.  Despite what happens in my life, I hope to always know that I am loved from above and turn to God in times of need and celebration.  I want my husband and children to look at me now and in the future as a force for good in this world and more specifically in their lives.  I want it to my voice they hear when temptations come their way or they are doubting themselves. They need to know that I believe in them and they are loved beyond measure.  Speaking of my little family, our routine exhausts me.  Each morning I get up and take Ginny to seminary, then to work, and when I get home from work it seems that we hurry off to the ball field for practice or for games.  By the time it is dark outside, I am ready to hit the bed but think of a thousand things that need to be done: lunches packed, laundry completed, forms filled out, etc.  As busy as life is with our crew, I would not change it.  Last week at stake conference, our ward boundaries were changed. It was packed at church today but that is a good problem to have.  Jake should be released from young men's president next week, is it bad to kinda be glad.  He has served as young men's president for almost four years and worries greatly about the young men but early morning Sunday meetings are not his thing.  Ginny will finally have a a friend in young womens, so that makes me happy.  Today, I pulled out the Christmas gift that Sandra gave me this year, it is a little bag made out of one my Papaw's shirts that I remember him wearing.  It will be my first week of May bag from here out as I remember his birthday. 

Happy Late birthday Jake and Ginny

Sometimes time slips away much quicker than you anticipate and out days become so busy that we neglect to do things we hope or want to do.  There are many days when I think that I should post in my little journal here but I neglect to do so and use the excuse that it app keeps closing on my phone or I will do it later.  I have made it a point to always try to post on my family's birthdays but did not do so this past month. Granted after work, I did go straight into showing houses on Ginny's birthday to some folks from out of town and we spent Jake's birthday at the ball park watching Ginny's games.  Nonetheless, I neglected to post on their birthday. I updated my social media post on Jake's birthday with this status: "The world became a better place this day a few, or maybe many, years ago when this guy entered it. Happy birthday to the guy who makes me better! I am still surprised that this guy chose me. I am the 🍀luckiest🍀gal to be able to celebrate this birthday boy. He makes me happy every day. He isn't perfect, but he is perfect for me. Happy Birthday to my best friend."  Jake is the best thing that has ever happened to me and there is no one that I love more.  Ginny celebrated her 15th birthday the next very next day. I can not believe that she can now drive with an adult in the car (she passed the exam answering 24/27 correct).  Her grades are excellent and she is surviving seminary.  There are mornings where I ask her if she is certain she wants to go and she faithfully wants to go. She has a passion for softball right now and loves to eat at Chipolte.  Ginny makes wise decisions most of the day and likes to surprise people by doing kind things for them.  She is developing into a beautiful young women physically and inwardly as well.  She is a good kid.
Now, an update on my other crew....Aubree has secured a position in her school play "The Jungle Book" and is looking forward to surprising everyone with her performance.  She has also been nominated to try out for a speaking part at the district wide address.  Aubree is a mother hen and very charismatic.  There is no gray to her, it is either right or wrong, black or white. Aubree was very sad when she did not make the middle school softball team so Jake went to Bartlett Parks and Rec and was instrumental in getting softball teams formed in the community so she would be able to play.  She continues to improve and later will look back and this will be a manifestation of the love her father has for her and how solid of a dad he is.  On a side note, all four of the kids are playing softball or baseball so between games and practices we are gone about every evening and it is a struggle to eat together as a family which is a top priority to me.  The boys are as crazy as ever.  Usually, I have stories to share about Will but Christopher gets one today.  Last week, I was participating in his IEP at school and at the end the teacher asks me if Christopher was bitten by a snake in his sleep.  She stated he has told her for two days that he was bitten by a snake in his sleep and is developing scales on his back.  Now, this is not true but Aubree has him convinced that he has scales on his back. We had a good laugh.  The teacher also states how well mannered he was was and gentle-man like.  She stated that he always opens the door for her and pulls her chair out for her to sit in. Christopher is definitely a kind little boy and does very kind things for his mom (and now teachers too). However, he has a rotten side to him too. About the same time, I come home from work and find out that on the bus, Christopher got hot and decided to try to take off his shorts and just be in his underwear...at least he was not taking off his underwear. My boys really keep me on my feet and test my patience.  I worry so much about Will because he does not always make the best choices (although they are still innocent at this point and mainly about not listening to mom and dad) but I worry that I am not teaching him well enough or that he does not know just how good he is and can be.  These 5 people that I share a home with are my greatest blessing and source of joys and frustrations...I would not change the life I have with them.  I can sincerely say that I have a happy life.  Busy but happy!