I have good children.....

          Aubree has a love for theatre and acting. She jumps at each opportunity to participate and does well. She placed third this weekend in her impromptu competition.  It was local, only about a 1/2 hour a way so I was fortunate enough to be able to go watch her after she made finals.  She is a hoot!  Yesterday, I felt like I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to accomplish the things I needed to and for my kids but I want them to always know that I did what I could and was there for them.  They need to know they are important and a priority in my life.
          Today, Jake did not attend church because he was not feeling well and I had a unit conference, so I gave the girls to choice to attend the branch or our old ward (which is closer than the branch) and they chose to attend the branch. Although either choice would have been well because they were attending church, my heart smiled seeing their commitment to serve where they have been asked to serve.
         This past week, I felt that things are not as well in our home as they could be.  Jake has went to the gym three nights this past week and joined Bartlett Rec on Monday night to try it out and they offer early morning classes which as hard as it is to get up is a better fit for our family dynamics and to accomplish the nightly responsibilities and spend time with the kids.  It is not ideal but we will see if it can work.  Jake is also looking into day trading, I am not a fan of risks and think this a huge risk.  I am not sure I am okay with the idea of acquiring debt to do something where everything could be lost in one day.  I trust Jake and really, really, want to be supportive but feel it necessary to express my concerns.  He does not like to hear that.  I do not want him to believe that I do not believe in him or "squash his dreams" but want us to be wise. Then other parts of me are reminded that in life, we must choose our battles. As I sat in sacrament today, I was reminded of the role the atonement can play in the lives of sinners and in the lives of Saints.  I had never thought of the enabling power of the atonement as the strength to accomplish all you need to. And in young women's, as I listened and though more about it, I realized that I must prioritize God and things will fall into place. I must make the time and small changes to show my love for the Savior and Heavenly Father and to draw me closer to them and as I do, all will be okay. I will be strengthened and carried.  I share that because maybe if I focus more on the spiritual aspects of it, things in my house will begin to fall back into place or the things missing in my life will be fulfilled.  I must trust, hope, and persevere.  

Just a typical afternoon after school...

School selfie to Aubree while she was at Thescon Conference

Aubree has a love for reading too

Ginny is beginning to collect books for her own place one day...not sure how I feel about this

Forensics competition group. (Aubree is in 2nd row on the end in the black and white shirt).

Family photos taken while in Texas on 1/4/2020

Our family with Grammy and Papa (Jake's parents)

Jake with his parents and siblings

 

Ginny's talk (1 Nephi 3:7)

    Hi, Im Ginny Farrell for those who don't know me. Im related to the other Farrells and we're one of, if not the biggest family in the branch. I was asked to talk on 1 Nephi 3:7, "and it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." Nephi is saying like yea, I will be obedient, because I know whatever the Lord commands is accomplishable. The Lord will never give me something I can't handle. When we think about that story, that was a daunting task. They had to sneak back into the city and it was a twelve day walk or something like that, I don't know I've never been. But I mean, I walk from the couch to my room and like I'm exhausted, so I can't even imagine walking all that way. Then when they get there they are wanted men because Laban said they were thieves. My friend says he likes to think of them as like parkouring out of Jerusalem to avoid being caught. Again, things I can't imagine doing. After Laman fails, instead of giving up, Nephi says no we need to stay and get the job done. I understand the doubt that Laman and Lemuel felt I would be like really you wanna go back. Ok, next time you can be thrown out. However, Nephi reminds them of why they came down. They didn't know the reason, but they decided to follow the commandments. There are countless times when Nephi and his family are asked to do hard things and they tend to listen. They were asked to live in tents and that in itself would be horrible I would not want to do that. They were asked to return to the city they just left to get some plates that they didn't even understand the whole value of. Nephi was asked to kill a man and defy the rules he had grown up with and strived to live by. They are beaten and persecuted, sometime members of the family make life harder for those striving to live the Lords commandments. Yet, Nephi remains strong in his faith. He does what the Lord asks even when it is hard. One thing that is important when we read the scriptures is to apply the scriptures in our own lives. We are asked to do hard things so why do we persistently try to do them?
Why:
    Why do we do these hard things? There are many answers, but the main ones I think of are trust and joy. We do things we don't want to do, because we trust in the Lord.  We don't need to understand the reasoning, sometimes we just need to remember who the commandment came from. We listen to the prophet, because we have faith that he is the mouthpiece of our Heavenly Father. Trusting with all our hearts is embracing the task and pushing aside doubts and just listening. I feel like I've had to trust a lot lately. I had to trust that the Lord wanted me in the branch, away from my friends in Bartlett and Im ok with it now, but at the time I didn't really have a desire to leave. Literally the gospel is really good at teaching us to just take the leap of faith and trust in the Lord. It works out when we listen, so trust more and trust wholeheartedly. Second is joy, living the gospel is joy. It's not easy, but it's simple. It is easier to live in the gospel free from so many things that can bind us down when we have all of the "freedoms" the world supplies. I've been reflecting on why we do these things and even if I wanted to do it. I felt unmotivated, tired, worn, and kind of sad sometimes. I didn't want to go to stake things, school, work, seminary. I wanted to sit on my couch and mope around. I still don't want to go to work, school, or seminary and I still want to sit down on my couch and do nothing, but I have more energy to do the things the Lord wants me to do. I really was having a hard time persisting in the things I know to be true. I prayed a lot and said I'm tired and I don't feel like I can keep doing this. Im tired of being tired, standing out, persisting even when sometimes its easier just to give into temptation, not understanding why I'm here, not doing things I saw so many people enjoy. I was worn out. I remember reading the scriptures thinking of why in modern times we do these things and as I read I realized that it was sincerely joy. I wasn't even necessarily focusing on the scriptures it was just a question I had in the back of my mind while I was dedicating time to ponder and reflect on the gospel. That's part of the reason it is important we read our Scriptures everyday it helps us to find time in our busy schedules to reflect on things that have an eternal part in our progression. The Holy Ghost is better able to speak to us when we put ourselves in that quiet and holy mindset. Anyways, I also thought about how Life is going to be hard, its life, but its much easier when we have the Lord's church on our side and we understand our purpose here. Men are that they might have JOY. We weren't placed here to suffer and hate it. We were placed to live, love, experience joy, and so many of the blessings that come from following the commandments. I was focusing on the negatives from the church, I pushed aside all the happiness that it has brought me. I say that I'm related to Nephi because we are both large in stature, but I was acting more like a Laman or Lemuel. However, It was only when I was struggling to actively live the commandments that I was sad. I am a senior in high school, so there is still a lot of unmotivation happening, but not in the gospel. The gospel gives energy, laughter, and it has shown me the life I want to live comes from being here. If we want our lives to be joyful and full of blessings then we have to follow the commandments.
    I've talked about why we follow the commandments, but I think it is also important that we have the right attitude as we follow the commandments. The people in the scriptures listened with pure intent and mostly willing hearts. They understood that with the Lord on their side, ultimately everything will work out for their good. Often times, as members of the church we are asked to do things and sometimes these things are difficult. It can be difficult to keep the sabbath day holy, go to seminary, don't drink tea/coffee, not listen to explicit music, be temple worthy, and ultimately stand out from our peers. However, when we do these things with purpose and a willing attitude we are blessed so much more. We are allowing ourselves to see the blessings that the Lord is granting when we listen. We shouldn't do things just to get blessings though, we should do things because we love our Savior.  At the beginning of the year, I had no desire to go to seminary. I like actively hated it and thought about how I didn't want to go. I actively hated it for like most of the first quarter honestly. I thought I've already studied the New Testament and Book of Mormon its pointless for me to go. It only makes me more tired and irritable. Plus, my favorite seminary teacher was released. I focused on that I hadn't seen the blessings and it was when I was talking to my dad about this that he reminded me that maybe I just hadn't noticed the blessings of it and maybe they were yet to come. Just because I hadn't noticed them didn't mean they weren't there. After my parents forced me to go to seminary I tried to rebel by like sitting angrily. I know, I'm a rebel, but like now thinking back that was so stupid. It only effected me. Once I embraced that I was going to have to go, I decided I  might as well focus on the good. Then,  it got a lot easier to just sit there not angrily. It's really early in the morning, so we mostly just sit and listen, but anyways. Once I swallowed my pride, mornings got a lot easier to deal with. I don't love seminary, but I allow myself to be able to feel the Spirit more and be happier. Being bitter is just too time consuming. We should be like Nephi and just embrace it and go. Lehi's family gave up everything and those of his family that accepted it and listened were so much happier.

Our boy....and a visit to the principal

Will, oh Will.  He was our first child to get written up and today was our first child to spend the afternoon in the principal's office.  He was accused of saying something that he did not say fully while defending another student.  With that said, he never denied calling the student picking on another a "b****" but as a result of inappropriate language has received a day of ISS (in school suspension).  The principal said that when Will was asked what happened at lunch, he straightforward said that he told another student "Stop, b****!".  I am proud that he was honest and while I am disappointed that he used that word, I am not disappointed that he stood up for another being bullied. This young man that was picking on another student seems to have the reputation for doing such and happens to be the one that made front of Will throughout the year, has tried to trip him, and threatened to beat him up.  One concern that I have is the boy can make false accusations against my son, that if true, would have resulted in suspension but yet received only the consequence of lunch detention for one day. I worry about how that just happened to be the word that came out naturally.  Will said he was so frustrated by him always picking on people that he lost his temper. He has a very genuine and tender heart.

He is my boy! (mom and Will)

This guy...

This guy...let me briefly tell you about this guy. He just completed his EdS degree, while working full time, and being a devoted dad.

But that’s just the beginning.

Jake is a true educator. I spend hours with him daily as he looks for ways to help and encourage others, especially his students. I do not think I have ever met a more devoted educator. You would think after teaching as many years as he has that he’d have everything but nope, each year he modifies previous things or creates all new materials for his students, especially for his IEP students. He looks for ways to reach all of them and help them see their potential.

But that's not all.

Jake serves diligently in his church callings and does whatever he is asked to do in them or wherever it may lead us. He takes the time to get to know the young men, reaching out to those who do not attend so they know they are missed.

But that's not all.

Jake is supportive. He supported me as I obtained a degree and furthered/advanced it this year. He decided to also go back to school and we were both enrolled at the same time. There were times, where he handled things so I could complete a paper. There were also times towards the end of finishing his degree (he officially graduated in December), he sacrificed doing things he enjoyed to meet deadlines and completed it. He has graduated yet again with a 4.0.

But that's not all.

Despite being crazy busy with school and work, Jake still finds the time to remind me of my worth and to enjoy the kids. He takes the time to play games with them, to help with homework, and attend their miscellaneous functions. Somehow he can also manage to find time to take the girls to bath and body works (yep, I’m sure that’s his favorite), grace us with his piano skills, and play ball with the boys.
 
But that’s not all.

Jake will drop things at a moments notice to drive hours, or hop on a plane to be their for family in times of need, regardless of the cost or other things going on. He will make whatever sacrifice required to be a devoted brother and son.
I can't say enough good things about him! He still managed to make family a top priority while finishing his degree. He is our rockstar! Jake is our (the kids and I) person. We love him.

Happy 50th Anniversary

Jake's parents (Lynn and Tommie Farrell) celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary on 1/4.  The family celebrated it with them on 1/3.  As I sat, listened,  and watched everyone my mind reflected on the qualities that it must to reach that milestone.  My heart was full of love towards Jake as I watched him dance with the girls and just enjoy his siblings.  He loves to be around his family and play games with them.  Before the celebration, we took a moment just with his parents for Jake and Aubree to do the song "You Say"  for them. Before they began, he shared the hope they had installed in him and that he believes what they had taught them. He also wrote a letter to them and shared that the contents of the letter also further shed light on it.

"Dearest Mom and Dad,

         Words cannot sufficiently express how much your influence has been a source of good and strength in my life.  Perhaps my life can one day stand as a greater testament of your love.  However, you should know at this time just a few of the lessons that still guide my life and how your love has helped me in my most difficult times.

         Mom, you used to tell me every morning going to school to remember who I am.  I thought at the time that you were simply trying to get me to be a good kid and to make good choices and am still convinced that is part of the reason.  What you may not know is that those are some of the most powerful words that guide my life and that I have found perhaps the deeper meaning that you would hope would come to me one day.  I am more than a good kid.  I am a child to our God and the brother of our Savior.  Their infinite love is with me even during my lowest moments and through all the sins.  That is the love I feel from you.  Unconditional, unrelenting, and unbreakable. 

         Dad, I did not appreciate your love until I was a teenager and did not know the depth of your compassion.  You may not recall when Carlos came to you one day crying about his father.  You spoke to him in your office and comforted him.  I hurt so bad for him, but when you offered healing words to him you also mended my soul.  There was also the time that you interceded with mom at a time that she was particularly upset with me, so you took her on a drive.  Not only was that wonderful (you may have saved my life), but you never questioned me about my decision and never reprimanded me for causing her such distress.  These are not the only examples, but I hope they convey some meaning.  Your compassion was unconditional, unrelenting, and unbreakable.

         Now I have had the challenge of living up to your examples.  I am fortunate to have found Renee to remind me of those lessons in that she possesses them in great abundance. I was absolutely crazy to marry her six weeks after my mission, and my own children will meet their maker if they attempt any such action.  Yet now, I believe God interceded as an act of mercy and grace despite the craziness of such actions.  There are choices I have made in my life that would probably break your heart and that I would not share with you at the time I made them.  I will share them with you as I build the courage to do so, because I want you to know just how much your influence has helped me hope for and believe that I could have a mighty change of heart.  That I, a sinner and rebel to God, could still feel the love of a Savior and could become a better man, one worthy of the love and example you always provided.  Renee endured the heartache that surely would have been yours had I not married her so quickly.  I commit to sharing those things with you, hopefully without breaking your heart, so you can see how wonderful you are and how powerful your love is.

         In closing, I want you to know that I believe.  I believe the words mom spoke to me as a young man.  I believe in compassion.  I believe in love.  Despite all that I have done to offend and hurt, to reject and cast off, and despite my own questions as to whether I could ever be redeemed… I believe I am loved.  You are the hope, grace, and mercy I do not deserve.  May I repay you in the good I will do for others."

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Jake and I with our eldest, Ginny

1/2 Siblings- Becky Huzzey, Lynn Farrell, Jeff West, and Cindy

Just a little bit of dancing fun

Ginny, Papa, and Grammy

Aubree with Papa and Grammy

Callie and Aubree- cousins

Today at church, Jake and I taught Sunday School together.  I enjoyed it. It is no secret that he makes me better and spreads strength wherever he goes.  His testimony strengthens mine and he is my rock.  This year as I read the Book of Mormon I am hoping to fall in love with it again and help my children hopefully do the same.  Now that Ginny is preparing to leave home, I look back and wish that I would have taught my children more from the Book of Mormon and read more often with them.  My wish for all of them is that they have enough...I wish them enough....enough good times to make it through the hard times, enough hard times to appreciate the good times, enough joy to surpass the pain, enough faith to not ever give up, enough hellos to help with good-byes, etc. 

Megan and Blake Davis Family

Jenny and Brian Langford Family

Tommie and Karen Farrell family

Lynn and Tommie Farrell with grandbabies

Farrell family crew

Chris and Crystal Farrell family

David and Sarah Fullmer family

Jake and his siblings

Here's to a new decade!

As I have reflected over our life the past decade and compared it to where our lives may be in another decade (Christopher on a mission, and the possibility of our oldest three with families of their own), I am humbled and full of gratitude.  On the drive to Texas, I had time to think about resolutions or just about life in general as I drove. Although I notice my many short-comings, I notice that I have grown as well and improved in some areas of my life.  I went from not having a college degree to obtaining a bachelors and a masters and recently have a newfound love for the scriptures (which I am hoping will strengthen my marriage).  Jake and I were talking the other night (12/31/2019 (so technically early morning  hours of 1/1/20)) in bed about an incident that happened that day and general occurrences and he mentioned that some days he fears my "negative crazy" drives a wedge between us because he gets upset.  I explained that sometimes there are things that I feel I cannot talk to him about in fear that it may upset him and he said likewise.  We resolved that we must be more open with one another.  One thing I reflected on as I was driving that I needed to work to overcome my pity parties that I have in my head and I am hoping the scriptures help.  There are times that I think things such as: "I want to have someone crazy over me", "I will never have that life", "I must be a terrible person because my husband, whom I encouraged many years ago to think about going into administration is now considering it...he doesn't even like being around me (referring to work)", or "just wanting be loved and accepted by my in-laws and not feeling that I am toxic and the root of ill feelings in families". But you see, I am fully aware that is the devil that encourages those thoughts. There are some things that I cannot change, like how others feel about me or if our family is included, but there are others that I can change as I come to know and rely on my Savior more and that is my plan. 

Boys sleeping on the way to Texas 12/30/2019

Happy 12th Birthday Will

Will, oh Will...how I love you and worry that you do are not as aware of your self-worth and potential. You are wonderful and bring joy beyond measure into our lives....you are quirky, witty, and funny.  You are incredibly intelligent and have the most tender heart.  You look out for others. We love you.

According to you, Will:

You currently want to be when you grow up: a teacher

Your favorite color is: turquoise and orange

Your favorite show is: Star Wars (Clone Wars)

Your favorite game is: Deception (board) and Ticket to Ride

Your favorite toy or activity is: video games

Your favorite boy is: me

You are really good at: baseball

Your best friend is: Walker Orris

You want to vacation to: Disney Cruise

Your favorite ice cream is: cotton candy

Your wish is to be: known, world wide for a good thing

Your hero is: mom 

Your favorite thing to do with your friends is: play games together

Your favorite holiday is: Christmas

Your favorite person in the whole world is: multiple family but if I had to say one person, Chris

Your favorite song(s) is:"Pompei"

Your favorite restaurant is: Olive Garden (restaurant) and Taco Bell (fast food)

Your favorite foods are: Taco Bell bean burrito and alfredo

If you had $1000 you would buy: pay tithing, then half to Charity, and a phone

 On a different note, we left for Texas on Monday December 30, 2010 to come celebrate Grammy and Papa's 50th wedding anniversary.  We spent New Year's Eve with dad's side of the family at the hotel. 

Christmas 2019

Christmas week was overall nice for our family. Christmas Eve day, we delivered 18 plates of cookies to people. The kids delivered about 6 in Bartlett and then the girls and ventured to the branch members to spread some Christmas cheer.  That evening, Jake and I did our annual tradition of booby trapping the house for the kids to get through that morning without waking us to open gifts.  The kids all sleep in the media room and and have to make their way down...I think they quite enjoy it.  The 26th, we went to Jackson to give my dad part of his gift, which was 4 hours of service (he was also getting a recording but that was not scheduled until 12/27).  The next day, we went to Americana Recording studio and recorded two songs for our parents.  The first was "I heard the bells on Christmas Day" by Casting Crows, where Ginny and Jake both played the piano and the other kids did the vocals and then "You Say" by Lauren Diagle, where Jake played and Aubree sang. Aubree's voice seemed a little off that day, maybe nerves or maybe using the microphone but both songs will always be beautiful to me because it is my babies.  Jake also threw his back out, which was fun times for me trying to take down Christmas decor, especially the lights on the house before rain hit and stayed before leaving for Texas.  I took down all the exterior on Friday night (12/27) and then Saturday, Aubree and I did the outside...going up the ladder was so scary and even when it was Aubree that climbed up, I was nervous and scared.