Recently I have improved so much on reading my scriptures.  I have a new found love for the New Testament and look forward to listening/watching a little episode I watch weekly on the Come Follow Me curriculum.  The crazy (but I guess to be expected) thing is that although when I read about Christ life and what he did for me I feel buoyed up, at the same time I feel almost less by the others I love most and toxic. I continuously wonder if I am good for those around me, do I build them up or tear them down, do I bring out the worst in others? Have I and am I building up my children and being the voice in their head for good or do they hear constant ridicule? I am unsure how I it is possible that I can make a situation worse, it is not my intent, especially to those dearest to me. Like how is that I offend when I really am trying to be good? What would or should I do? How do I become what the Lord and my family need me to be? What more can I do, even when I feel like I am giving it my all, yet maybe my all is not enough. 
There is no doubt that I have been blessed. I have parents who sacrificed much to ensure that my siblings and I needs were met and that we attended church. I have been fortunate to have four kids, and not just four kids but four kids that are good kids.  I have been blessed with a husband that is gentle and kind, and that despite how embarrassing I am....he loves me. His patience may wear at times (and actually has these past couple weeks) but in the end, I do not doubt his love.