I am a little selfish here but I am loving our time as a family and being forced to spend this time together.  Yesterday, missionaries from across the world in foreign nations were sent home. As we were taking about it the photos people were posting and mixed emotions parents and those serving were feeling, Ginny reminded us that it is a "sign of the times" that missionaries will be sent home.  I felt a lump in my throat and thought for a moment, is this really the time that I have been chosen to live in? Have a properly prepared my children? myself? Then I thought of all the good too and I know that God is there and the more I read my scriptures, the more real that becomes. We are never forgotten, we are His children.

Note, my homemade cake, dinosaur mac n cheese, and homemade bunny rolls.

Yes, I had to go get milk but I bought the boys bikes too and Christopher learned to ride.

I am just glad they like each other here.

Happy Birthday Jake

Speaking of that man, today is his birthday! He has loved me unconditionally. It has taken me many years to appreciate being loved the way he loves me. Unfortunately, I had the miss conception that the way "love" is shown was a depiction of what you see in the media (flowers, chocolate, surprise getaways, candle lit dinners, etc) but guess what, it is not. When looking for that type of love, you or I missed the way Jake shows his love.  He is not one to buy flowers (but that may be my fault) but when I have been gone longer than anticipated, he calls to check on me.  While he does not do candle lit dinners with soft music playing in the background, he has learned the master of grilling steak, accompanied by hot plates, he has learned to make home-made fried rice, and he often delegates the cleaning of the kitchen so I do not have to do it. While we do not have many getaways, that is another way he shows his love because he knows I do not like to leave me kids and it causes me great anxiety, so our little getaways are watching a show upstairs when the kids are asleep or running for Mexican after a rough day or just because. So while, my birthday guy may not show love depicted in the movies (those are all temporary moments), he does much more and shows small, consistent acts of love. He does the morning routine at work (checks our boxes, etc), learns to master meals I love, brings me popcorn when there is fresh popcorn, clears his things off the table when he senses it is driving me too crazy, allows me to live near family, watches sappy shoes I like, outstretches his arm during shows motioning for me to lean in, keeps the exterior of our home nice, plants roses and tomatoes for me, helps me understand science stuff, and holds me when I need to be held.  He is my all! Some things that Jake enjoys are: board games with the family, Mexican food, a manicured lawn, pizza, cold cereal, grilling, traveling, movies, piano playing, and books.  He is the glue that holds our family together and leads by example.  Happy birthday Love!

Home church

     Home church was beautiful yesterday (3/22/2020). We began with Ginny playing "Come Follow Me" and Aubree led, even just during the song, I felt my eyes wet a little bit and humbled.  Jake blessed the sacrament and Will passed it to everyone. Christopher had prepared a talk to share and then we watched a conference talk, spent time studying Jacob 7, and sang "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" (Jake played and Aubree led).  It was a tender moment for me to to not only watch my husband and son administer the sacrament but to see/ hear Jake lead the family in scripture study and bear his testimony.  He is my strength many days!

Social Distancing

Our little family is doing the best we can to stay in and have done well thus far.  We spend the days doing puzzles (still working on the same one for three days now, it is a 2000 piece one), playing games, watching one show an evening, trying new recipes, and on non-rainy moments during the day- going outside.  Yesterday, we spent about three hours in the car with Aubree trying to help her learn to drive a stick shift.  She was in tears by the end of it but seems to have a much better handle on it now.  For the first time yesterday, I felt overly anxious about the unknowns with my children.  Is this the beginning of what the remainder of our days may be like? I also felt great stress about how to make Ginny's birthday special for her next week...it is a big one, 18! Since we are "social distancing", no friends will be allowed over.  I texted a couple dozen people asking them to send cards, I am hoping to "flood the mailbox" with happies for her to help her feel loved.  I hope that the nation and my family uses this as a time to come together. We need one another! Schools across the states are pro-longing returning to actual schools but are attempting virtual learning, we have not received any updates as far as Bartlett besides we are out until 3/30.  Jake and I have reached out and offered to drop off food to those whom may need it and are trying to be good neighbors and citizens while heeding the plea to minimize contact with others beyond immediate family.  Social gatherings of 10+ have been cancelled and restaurants are encouraged to do take out only to help limit interactions.  Through the limitations, I see good happening too, like stores allowing "senior hours" only for the senior citizens and the realization that much can be accomplished with the same vision.

Coronavirus (Covid-19)

     The world has been in a state crazy as nations have been fighting the corona-virus. Parts of China and the nation of Italy have basically shut down, and have begged the United States to heed their counsel, not waiting to believe the extremities before it is knocking on the door. As the virus has now made it's way into the United States and multiples rapidly day by day, measures have been put in place.  We, as a nation, are a haughty and prideful people and have not taken it serious thus far.  It seems this week, a new perspective has been given.  Before Thursday of this week, I had not been anxious nor apprehensive because I feel like I have strived to heed counsel of church leaders and to have short tern supplies on hand. I had mentioned to Jake that I could not decide if people were beginning to over react (store shelves are literally empty as of Wednesday of this week) or not taking it serious enough by not closing schools and trying to prevent a rapid spread. Are we as a nation heeding what other devastated countries have shared or are we too prideful? However, Thursday afternoon the First Presidency, announced that all church meetings, including sacrament, were closed until further notice.  It was then that I almost immediately felt uneasy. If the prophet a God, whom was a doctor by profession, has been inspired to suspend sacrament and proxy work in the temples, then this must be crucial for our nation. I suddenly felt that maybe I am not prepared to teach my children the gospel alone and President Nelson has been trying to prepare us with an increased emphasis on gospel centered home study. While Jake and I will counsel with out children and devise a plan, we will continue to observe the Sabbath and try to improve our family spiritual readiness.
     Schools across the nation have been closing down until the end of March (we did have Spring Break scheduled for one week anyway) and others through April to hopefully slow the spread of the virus. Bartlett announced yesterday that we will close through March. Little is known about this strand of the virus and there is not a treatment plan yet, so the idea to close schools, encourage social distancing, and try to stop a peak is to not overwhelm the medical field to where people are turned away. As of now, the elderly or those with weakened immune systems are most susceptible, the incubation period is long and people can be spreading it without even knowing. What can I do to help? I worry that the elderly may not have supplies needed and while I strive to protect my children and make sure we have toilet paper and medicines, who is doing the same for the widow? I messaged the branch president to ask if he is aware of any needs in the branch that we can help with today but have not heard back. It may be a matter of time before parts of our nation are "locked down" or quarantined. 
      I think it is also completely normal and okay for me to feel anxious or apprehensive. The unknown can be scary at times and just because I have those feelings on certain aspects of it (like teaching my children the gospel alone (let's be real, those sacrament talks were nice) or if we can not leave our home for weeks, making sure we have all we need), that does not mean I do not have faith nor that do not trust God is in control (this may help to humble our nation and bring us closer to him). 

Sunday Ramblings

One thing that I enjoy about my calling is the opportunity to visit other units within the stake, although I do enjoy sitting with my family more at church.  Recently as I have listened to the talk given and the lessons, I am coming to understand a little bit more about grace and the doors we choose to open and close in our lives.  The stake theme this year for ward conferences comes from Moroni 10:32 and the church wide youth theme is 1Nephi 3:7.  The sacrament talks pricked my heart today and provided a reassurance that none of us are every lost.  God loves us and Christ has paid the price for each of us. Grace has become a topic that I desire to know more off. From the best I can tell there are two main ideas associated with grace. The first from Ephesians that we are all saved by grace alone and the second from 2 Nephi 25:23, that we are saved by grace after all we can do. In an essence are they both not true?  We are all saved through the atonement from death because of the resurrection and maybe Nephi tells us the "all we can do" is believe in Christ, as he repeats throughout the entire chapter. One of my favorite quotes about grace comes from Emily Belle Freeman, she states: "...grace is not just for the salvation of sinners, but also for the bestowing of blessings. It is given through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He was willing to come down and come in to help each of us become. His grace is the gift of transformation, an endowment of strength, divine assistance and enabling power, the elevating of souls, and the healing of hearts. Grace is His favor and His kindness and the tenderness with which He extends His mercies. It is His touch on our heart and how we reflect that within our life. Grace is always there, but we notice it most in our weakness, in our brokenness. The Lord has the capacity, He has the ability to reach into every one of us and make us the best we could be in that situation. And He will touch my heart. And then I will be able to reflect that version of myself in that situation because of His grace. He's going to magnify me, He's going to increase my capacity to be the best mom, to be the best spouse, to be the best friend, to be the best of whatever I am entering into, because He has promised he will meet me there and He will extend His grace to me, and through Him, I will be able to accomplish that—whatever it is—so much better." I love, love, love that!

     Today during our youth lesson, several images of doors were shown and we talked about the types of doors and what they are used for.  We talked about the imagery of open doors and closed doors and how they can mean so many different things to everyone.  Maybe for some a closed door represents restrictions but for others safety, could the door material have anything at all to do with the portrayal?  I jotted the following down today: I am never alone. Christ is there and at the door waiting. Renee'- are you mindful of all the struggles and decisions that Jake or each of your children are contemplating? Am I a safe-haven for them and a source of goodness?  

February, oh February

Senior year for Ginny is well underway and the decisions of colleges are at hand. She has been accepted into all that she has applied to (East Tennessee State University, BYU, and the University of Utah), now she has to decide where she will attend. We have taken Will to a psychiatrist a few times to see if he has ADD or ADHD.  Each test shows that he is well above average in his academics. They also compliment that he is well behaved and involved in good activities.  While I do not discredit that (I know that may children are good), much of that is accredited to the gospel.  As I am working to develop a relationship with Christ and not just routine habits, I come to appreciate the gospel more and the role it has played in my life, morals, and the unsurpassed role in my children's life.

Celebrating Nana's birthday in Idaho (we were not there but the picture was sent to us)

Miles and Aubree 2/15/20

Escape room with Becky and Adam

Chris and Crystal family (Jan 2020)

Aubree and her friend, Anna Wright

Celebrating Nana's birthday in Jackson 2/15/2020