Am I enough?

Before I pour out my heart or parts of it, yes, I am that mom, whom neglected to get back to school photos.  School started back on August 13th. Ginny is a senior (12th grade), Aubree, a sophomore (10th grade), Will enters his first year as a middle schooler (6th grade), and Christopher is a loner this year with no siblings in the same grade (4th grade).  We are now three weeks into the school year and thus far, so far so good. Ginny also purchased a little 2005 Corolla to be her on car. Let me clarify, Jake and I purchased it but she intends to pay us back.  When she does give us money, we put right back into a savings account for her.
Am I enough?  There are so many times that I feel that I make people's lives or experiences worse because I am a part of them.  I truly am sorry about those times.  There have been moments when I wanted to apologize to my inlaws for not being whom they would have chosen for Jake to marry and the inadequacy in being the mother to their grand children.  Jake and my kids both deserve so much better.  I fail to instill in the knowledge of how AMAZING they are, the joy they bring into the lives of others, and their potential as sons and daughters of a king.
Tonight, we went to Jackson for dinner (Becky's boyfriend flew in for the weekend and is meeting the family) and we kept Riley and Charlie for the weekend so Charity could attend a singles conference, so we carried them back home. Sandra and Becky were expressing some frustrations and I shared frustrations back about them sharing those frustrations.  In my feeble attempt to try to be non-judgemental and just be good for others, I was judgemental towards them. I am certain that I ruined the evening.  I feel that I do that regularly when family is together and thus I should avoid family get togethers, but I long to be there with everyone. Yet in so doing, I fail my parents, my sisters, my husband, my children, and in addition tonight Stella and Adam (Becky's guy).  I am unsure what my problem is or what is wrong with me?
I have tried so hard to be more diligent in reading my scriptures more regularly and even follow an on-line blog called "Don't miss this", which I love.  Most days I can tell a difference as I am more aware of seeing the good and remembering the teachings of Paul. The last month, I have really come to love Paul as I have read Romans and 1st Corinthians.  I love that he ministers and teaching that we are of value and have already been purchased by God, but yet I find it hard to see in myself.
This past week Ginny posted a reminder of this love on instagram...while I was reminded of God's love, I wondered how I was oblivious to the hard time she referred to in her post: "I stumbled across this picture the other day and I absolutely love it. I love how Christ is holding her so tenderly. It shows the scars in his hands where he suffered for us that He could know our pains and struggles.  I know that Christ loves us perfectly. I've had some struggles the past few weeks and He has been there for me every step of the way. He died so that I live and I will be forever grateful to Him.". What an absolute beautiful reminder and testimony from my daughter!  After inquiring about her struggles, it was about attending the branch and seminary this year but she is doing both with what at least appears to be a cheerful heart!

Busy Sunday

Today was our first Sunday attending the Central Gardens branch.  Upon parking, Jake encouraged us each to bear our testimony today. He was the first one up in the meeting and set the example for the rest of us, which throughout the meeting did follow with Will being the concluding testimony. The members of the branch extended a warm welcome and were pretty excited to see us, which I hope made it easier for the kids.  Christopher bore his testimony today too. One thing he said that made my heart happy and broke it at the same time was simple “I know Heavenly Father loves us, even if we are different”.  Just thought I’d share because it was a good reminder to me. I told him it’s great to be different. How sad is this- after church I was asking the kids about everything. We got to Christopher in Primary and he shared he made 2 friends, that were both 3.  He said he sat on the back row, when I asked if he made a friend there too, he said no he sat alone but wanted too so no one would make front of his voice.  Does he not know how wonderful and special his little voice is? He will do wonderful things with his mouth/voice one day. 
After church, Jake and I had the opportunity to accompany Ginny to receive her patriarchal blessing. It was a beautiful blessing with warnings to heed and the promise of blessings to come if lived in accordance with gospel teaching. Our children are becoming wonderful young adults.  

Welcome Miles

Sandra had her baby Monday 7/30 and he is a cutie.  Aubree and I drove to Jackson that night to see the little guy and Sandra. And why not show the progress of our yard...

Padre Island

Home...it is oh so good, although our summer travels are nice it, is always good to get back to normalcy. We chatted about leaving Padre on Sunday and Houston but decided to stay until Monday.  We wanted to make the decision based on the best to keep the Sabbath most holy. The kids convinced us being with cousins was a good thing and refrained from going shopping, to the museum, the pool, or the beach. They did a really good job.  We have some good kids. However, Sunday evening may have been one of the first times, I seen and felt drama in Jake's side of the family. I am sure it happens more often but we are not around often nor do we have regular conversations with them (sad).  Speaking of good kids, our family has been asked to start attending the branch.  There are mixed feelings, especially for the girls (they love the young women's presidency and Sunday School teachers) we have decided our family will heed the call. Sometimes we are asked to do things that are hard or that we do not want to do but we still do them. We talked about the many instances from the scriptures that people did not want nor understand why they were asked to do some things but they did.
Upon arriving home, we began on the yard that Tuesday (July 23) and it is still "under construction". Jake wanted new sod so we began the prep work and the sod was scheduled to be delivered Friday.  It has been a long almost two weeks.  That Wednesday evening when digging trenches (he also decided to install an irrigation system), he hit a water line.  He prayed earnestly that he could repair it and he did, although it took three attempts before no leak.  There was a plumber scheduled to come and hook everything up to the main water line but they also canceled.  He hit another part as well and repaired that but the next morning when we went out, there was standing water near the repair and when we scoop out the water, it would refill. We watched it for a few days and became concerned that it may be under the home caused from where he hit the water line with the trench digger but fortunately, we believe it is from water the plants.  It did not help that during that time, we got a lot of rain one day.  Most of the trenches were dug with the trench digger but some had do be completed by hand due to the mud from water lines.  It was hard manual labor and both are bodies were exhausted and tired but we had a deadline to meet or the sod would die and they would not redeliver. The sod was laid, except a small area where we had to be certain the standing water was not a leak (can't just cover it or in the end it is more work).
Work started back for Jake and I on Wednesday (7/31).  Jake received a phone call on Monday night asking to come interview for a job at Maxine Steam Academy.  It would be teaching STEM all day, which is his passion.  However, the pay cut would be too substantial. He has now turned them down twice this week but yesterday they left a message that they think they have something "promising" and will be sending him an offer by Monday.  As much as I would miss looking down the hall and seeing him, I want him to be happiest.  He is not unhappy where he is and it is a lateral move (as far as pay most likely), and he does plan to apply for admin jobs, I am not sure what he will decide. It may or may not be long term depending on what opens up as far as administration or board opportunities.
Lastly, graduation for my masters degree was last night.  I did not attend graduation because it would not be enjoyable for my family, nor have I really told anyone but it is nice to know that I have accomplished it.  I have now accomplished obtaining my associates, bachelors, and masters while being a mom a